The Official Writing Challenge
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I totally enjoyed this. I think it was a creative way to touch on the topic while still giving a powerful message.

There are some little things like dyeing instead of dying that a good proofreader could help you catch. Also if you used dialog and tried to show your reader instead of tell, you might pull the reader into your story. This is just an example to show you what I mean: I'd been weighing both ideas when suddenly Jessica barged into my office. She grabbed my arm sobbing. "I need Nate's number. Mom has been in an accident and she might not make it. She made me promise to look into this Jesus thing."
I know this is different than what you said but i wanted to show you how dialog can help the reader move along with the characters.

I think you did a great job of laying out the facts of both scenarios. it will make the reader stop and think and that's always a good thing. I also thought your ending was good. It left me with a warm feeling and you didn't tie it up too neatly by having Jessica's mom recover miraculously as soon as she prayed. overall, I think you did a nice job and I hope to read more of your stories. :)
03/13/13
Lots of good discussion here. A person has to think for themselves about God. Separation between paragraphs would help it read easier. Thank you.
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