The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/07/13
I don't know if I can speak with any authority but I was mesmerized by your story until the end. I think your writing was very nicely done and I was so excited to realize his sister was leading him to Christ. The sudden introduction to the groundskeeper was disappointing for me. Again, great, great writing!
Wow this is so intense. I felt the suspense build as i read and even found myself holding my breath. You fully grasped the topic. your MC felt real and in pain. There are just so many good things about the story, but Wow covers it best.
I try not to read comments before I comment. I do know what the other person meant about the grounds
keeper. it's called a POV shift. The reader can only see things from the point of view of the main character. As soon as you mentioned the caretaker's emotions you had a POV shift. You could have possibly had Michael hiding watching as the character stomped about and muttered about the mess. Or you could have just had Michael stop and tell the chicken "Be Free" This is an awesome piece and you did do a great job. You may want to consider going to the message boards under Writing challenge, and click on Throw a brick. it's a good way to get more people to read and comment on your article.
Who told you you are a beginner? This is a wow of an entry - a tale well told!
03/14/13
Congratulations on First Place! Great job!!!!
03/14/13
Congrats! God Bless~
Congratulations on your 1st place! Great job.
I read the rules and you are supposed to move up to the next level once you have appeared in the Editors Choice award and been placed first at beginner level... so off you go and continue with your great stories :)
03/16/13
Congratulations-Write on young man! Distinctive but reminiscent of CS Lewis.
Exceptional story however maybe a little more intro to the groundskeeper's place in the story. It was a great ending just kind of abrupt.
Well done.
Congratulations on ranking 14 overall!