The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/07/13
Lovely story. I do like the way you led into the main theme, but I would have just started with Mr. Roy. Then you'd have many more words you could play with.

Good job! Keep writing:)
03/07/13
I think everyone needs a Mr. Roy in their lives! This is a great story. I love the line about how he wore his heart on his tie. I do agree that you could have started the story with Roy. Right now it sort of seems like 2 separate (but interesting) stories. Well done.
03/11/13
Very descriptive and entertaining read, which brought me right into your setting. The only weakness is that you could have very easily taken us further with the girls and their gift plans by taking us through their conversation. (A secondary device might have been to keep the stages in the coversation in time with your progress through your coffee.)
Mr Roy is a character who I would like to get to know, because you have introduced him to us so credibly, so I'm looking forward to another entry about him.
You have very strong story-telling skills.
03/11/13
I loved Mr. Roy and his ties. I could picture this memorable character.

It would have been helpful, if there had double spacing between quotations.
03/12/13
I might confuse you with what I am going to say because I didn't see your "eaves dropping" on the sister's conversation and remembrance of Roy and his ties as two separate stories at all. To me, one very naturally led to the other, although you could have done what Noel suggested and brought us back into the girls. But you probably would have run out of words. Nope, I think I like it as is in all of its "warm-fuzziness." I am not visual at all, and I could just picture that store with those girls trying to figure out what to get their dad. Then you, as you begin to drift with your memories of Roy. I too loved the comment about Roy wearing his emotions on His ties like some do on their sleeves. What a wonderful, precious man it sounds like he was, and it is a reminder that I think we all take many people in our lives for granted even if they aren't quite as cheerful as Mr. Roy. I too would love to see another installment on him. And Noel is right, you do have strong story telling skills. I know I will enjoy your continued work at FW. Blessings...
03/12/13
I think this is a lovely story, which you tell so well. Mr. Roy sounds like a person I would love to know. I agree, you should have started out with Mr. Roy, but as others have said you have a gift for story telling, and a talent for writing. Good job!
03/13/13
Beautifully and expressively written and felt. What are you doing at the Beginner's level?
03/13/13
I think you did an admirable job telling this heartwarming story.
Welcome to the challenge!
03/13/13
This is a lovely testimonial. I think you did a fine job of representing the love that Mister Roy had in his heart for everyone.

Make sure when someone different speaks that you start a new paragraph each time, even if it's just one word. Often when telling a true story, it can be easy to jump around because the events are in your head, but remember you need to take the reader on that journey too, so sometimes you can omit certain things like the details of the shopping trip, but also may need to clarify the transitions for the reader.

I think you did a great job overall. It was an interesting an inspirational story. You definitely have a way with words. I look forward to reading more of your work. Good job.

Each time
03/13/13
You developed Mr. Roy so well I feel like I know him.

Keep writing.