The Official Writing Challenge
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Rivetting! I want to know more about your conflicted main character! I want to comfort her with Jesus . . .

Loving you in through and because of Jesus, the Christ . . .

Have you "thrown a brick"?
03/04/13
Oh, this is good. You manage to tug at the emotions of your reader very well. I also, want to know more. That's the sign of a good writer. You have talent. Very well done.
03/05/13
This was an interesting and compelling read. It had meaning, messages, and touching moments throughout.
Nicely done. thank you!

God bless ~
03/06/13
I would like to have the answers to Emily's questions.

You really developed her character and especially her thinking and feelings.

Wonderful job of bringing the reader into the scenes.


Wow this is such a powerful story. You did an amazing job of showing Emily's fear and her anger pulsated off the page. I figured she must be going to a boarding school which is way she had her suitcase packed and hated the dormitories or perhaps it was college that she was heading off too but I guessed boarding school because it's Mondays that she hates which shows she is home on the weekend.

I'd love to know more about her anger, but know you probably were limited by your word count. Of course you also could have left it unknown so that the reader could relate more. We all have fear and anger but not about the same things. This way the reader can insert her fear. A bit of brilliance actually.

I noticed a couple of tiny things like okay should be spelled out or both letters in capital OK. Words like sloth-like need a hyphen, but oh what a brilliant description that line is! It fits so perfectly with the mood that you set.

You did a grand job of introducing the conflict right away. My heart hurt for this young girl. Also my oldest is Emily and she had that sense of sadness about her during her teen years so the story had a special impact for me. I think your line: It even made the fear monster go quiet. is a bit of genius. Not everyone understands fear is often disguised as anger since that is an easier emotion to deal with.

You amaze me how you said so much in only 750 words. You have a wonderful gift of storytelling. This is one of my all-time favorites. It shows real life in such a stark yet believable way. I save my Wows for stories that really touch me and this is a three wow story in my book.
03/07/13
Your story kept me guessing, and I love how you wrote that the character didn't want to go to sleep, becasue she would have to wake up to Monday. Very relatable.
Great read!