The Official Writing Challenge
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I am astonished that I'm the first to comment on this most excellent piece! You held my arm as we "little red caboosed" down the hallowed halls. It has been fifty years for me - but you brought it back so vividly. I pray that every lost soul will encounter and be blessed by a Marlita. Thank you for so beautiful a story.

What are you doing in the Beginner's level? You might rethink this.
I am astonished that I'm the first to comment on this most excellent piece! You held my arm as we "little red caboosed" down the hallowed halls. It has been fifty years for me - but you brought it back so vividly. I pray that every lost soul will encounter and be blessed by a Marlita. Thank you for so beautiful a story.

What are you doing in the Beginner's level? You might rethink this.
I echo
I echo Judith Gail Smith's message.
You need to move up.
I am a true beginner!! You have graduated.
Your article painted a magnificent word picture that took me back to my old high school as well. I had moments like your picture revealed but not near as horrific.
Very well done.
Harold Spillman
03/04/13
Definitely need to move a level. This is a really good write! I echo the spaced paragraphs but you really have a talent going for you!
03/05/13
This was so beautiful, it touched my heart. Thank you so much for sharing this worthy read.

God bless~
I so enjoyed this story. The way you arranged your words in the beginning showed the frenzy the MC was feeling. it made me eager to keep reading.

You did have some punctuation issues that are tiny overall, but things you'll want to know for for next story. Try not to overuse ellipses and exclamation points. You have some outstanding verbs and they do your exclaiming for you, so try to save them for dialog. As for the ellipses, use them sparingly and be consistent, you only use three dots, no other punctuation except for sometimes a period. You may want to check out one of my favorite resource Element's of Style by White and Strunk.

Overall, I think you did a fine job with this piece. You had a good beginning and the conflict drew me in. I liked the open ending. I thought for sure the mysterious person would have turned out to have died years before or that she was an angel. That device is overused sometimes so I really liked the ending the way you left it--allowing the reader to fill in the details. I look forward to reading more of your stories. Good job.
03/06/13
Lots of memories portrayed well and felt by me in the words you used of the old Central High School experience.

Looking foward to seeing more of your writings.