The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 443 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This is an interesting and charming little story. It reminds me of the first sermon my son, who is studying to become a minister, gave at his sister's wedding. It was Is love enough? Most people would think the answer would be yes but it takes so much more than just love and Jesus is a key part of that equation.

You have several little errors like missing punctuation in the dialog, using the numeral 3 instead of writing it out (You should write out numbers less than ten and some say less than a hundred) that a good proofreader would help catch. I also noticed, you repeated some things. For example this line: Judy said with a sarcastic voice, “what are you going to do now mister mechanic?”
You don't need to say in a sarcastic voice because it's obvious from her words that she is being sarcastic. Instead you could identify her as the speaker with something like this: Judy threw her arms up in the air. "So what are you going to do now, Mister Mechanic?"

I'm really bad about reading titles before I read the story so I didn't predict the ending, but if I had seen the title first, I would have known immediately that it was all a dream. For me that would have taken the twist out of the story and I love a good twist. You seem to have a good take on the dialog. It felt natural. Your message is a timeless one for sure. Keep writing, you never know how God will use your words to touch someone's heart.
02/23/13
A good warm story that flows very well, with a strong ending that invites us to believe that there is new hope for this couple.
Your writing shows a lot of promise because it is well-earthed.
02/23/13
This was a poignant read and it touched my heart. I felt the sincerity in the entire piece. Nicely done.

God bless~
I think you are off to a good start with your writing. There is a little book that helps me greatly. You will find it worth the read: The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. & E. B. White. Another book, Punctuate It Right! by Harry Shaw, is another valuable tool. Best wishes.
Nice story. I liked the ending.

One thought: Print your story and circle all the words that end with "ing". Pick one or two and try to reword your sentence without an "ing" word. It's a great exercise.

Good job!
02/23/13
I like that Judy had prayed for God to help their marriage, and then he had the dream that changed his heart. A lovely story with a lovely message. You write with feeling and tenderness. I enjoyed this. Keep writing.
02/23/13
I, too, didn't read the title, so the ending was a pleasant surprise.

Good readers make good writers. I tell that to myself all the time.:-) Read, read, read all the fiction stories you can find - on Faithwriters, magazines, short stories, etc. Improvement comes with more reading and more writing. More showing than telling will also improve your storytelling

One way to do this is by using colorful, more descrptive verbs.
Review your piece and find all the "said" words. See if you can substitute "said" for something else more colorful and descriptive. Ex. "Judy jeered,"Ray blurted out..."

Sometimes the way we speak does not always translate into good writing.

For ex.
"Bill cut him off short, and said... Consider this: Bill interrupted him. "Ray do you...,

"Ray shook off his slumber..." Consider something more descriptive. "Ray awoke just as the sun peeked over the horizon..

You're off to a great beginning as a fiction writer.
This is so delightful! I too did not catch the dream theme and was a wee bit disappointed to see the old folks go (married almost 40 years - with Jesus at the center, the surround and the core) . . .
02/24/13
I agree with all that's been said already. I think your idea is good and you've got great potential, so keep reading other's work and definitely keep writing. Well done.
02/25/13
I really enjoyed this piece. Beautiful story. I have to agree with everyone on this. I encourage you to have someone proof for you as there were several grammatical errors. And, I did read the title, which gave it away for me. :(. But, I thought you did a great job!
I enjoyed your story and was also suprised by the ending.
Thank you. Keep writing.
God Bless.
02/26/13
This is a charming little story, and you drew the main characters quite well. You also used some good strong verbs such as, "bolted" and "blurted" and you had some nice descriptive phrases that helped me "see" things better. Your story just needs a bit of polishing to reach its full potential! :) The suggestion someone gave to read, read, read will definitely help you become a better writer. I look forward to reading more of your work!
02/27/13
I liked you story and think you have great potential. Practice makes perfect so keep writing and honing your craft. I applaud you for taking this step and putting your heart out there for others to read.