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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Key (02/14/13)

TITLE: Job Interview
By Emily Ritter



Well, Honey, I think I did okay in the job interview, but I got a little too familiar. When Jim (the hiring manager) asked me to tell him how I exhibit leadership qualities, I spoke of the times at the coffee shop when we placed Mr. Potato Head parts on the fan and challenged each other to catch the most hands, feet or eyes as they winged across the room. I did mention how I designated people to stand in front of the glass lamps and the espresso machine, but I’m not sure Jim will appreciate my approach to company morale.

I also may have fumbled the “How are your organizational skills” question. I said to myself, “Emily, be honest,” and ended up explaining the state of our toy spead room by room. I mean, you and I have worked diligently over the last month to establish a path from the family room to the kitchen, and we hardly ever skate on hot wheels any more, not since your emergency room visit. But don’t worry, I didn’t mention that at all!

I hated the “Tell me a weakness,” question. But I rallied, and explained how my slippery determination enables me to complete any project that’s beyond my ability, even if it takes weeks, or months. I mentioned the time I took the bathroom sconces off the wall for cleaning and didn’t wait for your help, even though I have no mechanical ability. But I figured out what to do with those extra pieces. Yes, I know what you’ll say, that you had to re-remove them from the wall, dismantle them, and remount them, but I was fine with letting those extra parts just rest on the tip of the bulbs like a lamp shades.

I’m not sure if I should have mentioned my tong extension tendencies. But, it’s better for him to find out now that I occasionally require crutches to accomplish every-day tasks, than for him to feel great shock when he sees me manning the automatic stapler from a yardstick distance.

My real concern though is that I may have lost him with my overuse of Emilyish. I'm sending a follow-up thank you letter today. Do you think I should include word definitions and origins as an extra precaution? I wouldn’t want him to misunderstand my capabilities over a silly unknown word. I’ve included them for your review. Let me know what you think.

Love you!


toy spread- n. The tendency for toys to take over the house of parents, one room at a time.
Word origin
In December 2012, Emily Gillilan noticed her three-year-old's delight upon entering the house of mom of three, Gloria Conrad, whose children's toys were prominent in every room. Gillilan commented, "You could charge admission for kids to come play in your house." Blushing, Conrad admitted, "The toys spread more than we intended."

slippery determination- n. The determination a person feels to continue an ill-planned and often messy job mid-progress.

Word origin
On June 6th, 2011, Josh Gillilan walked into his bedroom and saw his wife patting the bottom of an upside-down lotion bottle resting precariously on top of another bottle. "What are you doing?" he questioned. "Shhh," Emily Gillilan said, "Don't laugh at me." Mr. Gillilan then noticed that his wife's arms were covered in lotion up to her elbows. "That doesn't seem to be a very good way to consolidate. You're making a mess." Mrs. Gillilan began laughing, causing more lotion to seep out the edges. "Shhh...sh...sh...shhh," she said between chuckles. "It'd be messier to stop at this point. I'm slippery, but determined to finish the job."

tong extension- n. A crutch used to help a person do something he or she is afraid of, especially at a distance.

Word origin
In May of 2012, Emily Gillilan admitted, in a personal phone conversation with friend Sarah Hershey, to using two sets of tongs, one to steady the tube and one to peel the foil and release the pressure to open a tube of refrigerated dough. Details from this correspondence were published in the women's interest column of the New York Times article “Home Hazards” on June 8th, 2012 where Gillilan admits that the "tong extensions" enabled her to forge through her discomfort with the "pop" that releases pressure from a tube of refrigerated bread dough.

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This article has been read 358 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/22/13
Okay first off, I have to say this is hysterical. I loved it and am so glad you included the key because I was scratching my heads at a few places.

The only red ink I really have is some of it didn't feel quite natural like saying Jim was the hiring manager. This person seemed more like the type who might say the dude interviewing me. Also for me calling herself Mrs. Gillian didn't feel right either.

The word Emilyisms, however, is a perfect fit and I totally enjoyed the whole thing. This would be perfect for some humor on one of those job interview sites. I think you did a nice job with it and you had me smiling or giggling from beginning to end.
C D Swanson 02/23/13
Hahahahahaha. This was a sheer joy to read. Great stuff! God bless~
Meghan Andersch 02/24/13
Very fun read. I especially liked the word origin explanations.
Vince Martella02/26/13
Very clever and very funny. Loved the "wordisms". Great piece.