The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 337 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I really enjoyed this devotion. I think you did a wonderful job of transitioning through real life and into the Bible's message.

The only thing I might suggest would be to do more showing than telling. An example would be instead of telling the reader that the flyer looks horrible, describe what it actually looked like. The lines sloped downward and the sizes of the letters ranged from normal to looking like they had been shrunk in a clothes dryer. That might not be a perfect example but I hope it shows what I mean.

I think you did a splendid job of writing on topic. I found myself smiling at the repetition. I think many people can relate to the characters and this article. I think the ending was perfect and it brought the story full circle while still showing your message and not sounding preachy. Great job.
02/01/13
I really loved how you tied the Holy Spirit into your writing. we could never do anything without His leading and teaching us in all things. All in all very good writing!
I loved how you made the repetition "come alive" and jump off the page through the complex process of screen printing that you were sharing with the reader without even once using the word repeat, in any form until the end. Some genius there... I thought it was an engaging story and I enjoyed it! There was a section where you delineated the different steps in your screen printing process that I thought should have started off with a colon, while being followed by semi colon's, as opposed to commas. But I am just taking a refresher on some of those rules myself (ha). Also, the "N" in New Testament should be capitalized and same for the "Old Testament." I loved the special Bible message at the end, you made that work perfectly with the story; being hands on, and yet receiving the guidance of the Holy Spirit!
02/02/13
This is a well thought out devotional. I also learn by trial and error, so I could really relate to the screen printing process.
02/02/13
This was a different type of devotional. This was enjoyable and on topic. So nicely done. Thank you.

God bless~
02/04/13
I like the specificity of all the steps it took for you to become successful. I agree with the first person who reviewed this; if you revise, try doing more showing than telling. Allow your reader to see things, taste things, smell things, and feel things so they more deeply experience your story. Thanks for sharing.
Congratulations on ranking 6th in level one!