The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
01/24/13
Great message. I hope I am able to go on a cruise some day.
01/26/13
Good message and well crafted essay. The images in your example brought me right into the relaxation you felt and contrasted well with the stress you described later.
01/26/13
Great job with the topic and with your writing style. Nicely done.

God bless~
I keep losing my comments. This is the third attempt to leave my feedback. Your article is so good that it is worth it. :-)

I really enjoyed this devotion. You did an excellent job of drawing me in. I totally could relate to the MC. Stress can definitely do a number on one's body.

The only red ink I might have is to suggest that you cut down on some of the sentence length. For such a short story, some of the run ons you had can be a tad overwhelming for the reader. An example is your opening paragraph. This is to show you a way to tighten it up some: While I attempted to rest, my mind drifted back to a recent cruise. We'd wake up early and rush to open the curtains, allowing ourselves to bask in the sunrise and the gorgeous view of the beach.

That may not have been a perfect example but I hope it shows what I mean. I really enjoyed your selection of Bible verses. This past week many have used the verse all who are weary and heavy laden come to me and I will give you rest. Your verses gave a fresh and interesting approach to the topic.

One of my favorite hymns is Because He lives. It was a song in our wedding and then the following year at my mom's funeral and the title is on mom's headstone. (Be careful about quoting songs that are copyrighted. Though many hymns are in the public domain, this one is still copyright protected. I believe you can use something like 10% of the piece without permission, so I think you are okay, but I wanted you to be aware for the future. Also cite the authors or composers In this case it is written by Bill and Gloria Gaither.

Again, I want to stress what a lovely job you did. I was intrigued by your voice and thought you did a delightful job. I think everyone can relate to how devastating stress can be for our minds, bodies and souls. This is a powerful piece and you will touch more hearts than you will ever imagine. This is an excellent, well-written devotion and you left me with a sense of piece.