The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/17/13
Those New Year's Resolutions are bound to be broken. Fun take on the topic. I think you might have meant chef salad and not chief salad at the end of your story.
This is a great story between a mother and daughter. I found myself smiling at the banter.

It was really hard to figure out who was speaking because you didn't always use quotation marks or start a new paragraph when someone different speaks. A good challenge buddy will help you catch those things. Feel free to PM me if you need any help.

I liked your story. I think the idea of weight loss was a clever take on the topic. I also liked the ending. It was nice to see the daughter be encouraging. I also think your verses you selected were a great fit.
01/21/13
Oh dear, I would hope Dians does better than me at the slimming lark. An amusing and meaningful dialogue between mother and daughter. Well done!

If you go to the forum's 'Chuck a Brick' for this topic, you well get additional feedback.

Colin (Gold Membership)
01/22/13
Smiling...good job.
God bless~
01/22/13
I love the interaction between mother and daughter. Your dialogue was realistic, but I also had a problem following it because of the quotation marks. I was also a little confused when you used both mother and Diane at the end or beginning of dialogue. I do like the way they naturally included scripture in their conversation. I think you have a good start at story telling.
The basics are all here. Seek out some help in editing before you submit your pieces and you'll learn as you go.
Keep on keeping on. God Bless