The Official Writing Challenge
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This is a start of a great story. It captures the reader's heart and makes me want to reach out and comfort the boys.

I did notice quite a few little errors like parent's car instead of parents', there were also some sentences that didn't begin with a capital letter. Then at the end during the dialog, you forgot to add quotation marks and make a new paragraph each time a different person speaks. (Double spacing between paragraphs gives the reader that all important white space)

You covered a subject that so many people can relate to. Grief and a sense of loss can be so overwhelming that it leads down a dark path. I did enjoy the actual dialog between the brothers. It felt real and genuine. Keep writing those stories that God puts on your heart, You may never know how many people your words will touch.
01/13/13
I enjoyed reading this piece and the friendship and compassion you portrayed between the two young men.

I did notice some switching back and forth between past and present tenses. One strategy that helps me is reading what I've written out loud to check for flow and continuity.

Your compassionate spirit shines through your writing. Keep up the great work! :)
01/14/13
I felt your heart in this compelling piece and it touched mine. Keep writing from your heart. God bless~
01/16/13
Very good character development. I really enjoyed the essence of the story although spacing between paragraphs and quotation marks would have been helpful.

Keep writing!