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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Flat (01/03/13)

TITLE: Daddy's Stone
By
01/09/13


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I never felt it leave my hands. Its smooth white surface had caressed my cheek many times, its flat perfection the result of the wearing away of the river current. My Daddy gave me that stone. He put it in my little hands, a gift from him, a piece of his love. I never got to see what it looked like before he entrusted it to me. I didn’t experience the trial that produced its beauty; I was spared the river that made it so perfectly flat, so smooth and flawless. But I dropped it. Somehow, running barefoot through the grass, I lost my precious stone.
“Shut off the mower!” I pleaded through tears of panic to the neighbor nearby. “Help me!”
I searched alone for hours, crawling in the backyard. By evening, as I heard Dad’s car pulling up and felt the soft glow of the headlights, I was certain it was lost. How disappointed he would be in me! Something so irreplaceable, an extension of his love, and I had lost it.
As he stepped out of the car, I threw myself into his arms, begging his forgiveness for having lost the flat stone, expressing my devastation at its absence. Reaching into his pocket, Daddy withdrew the stone. Its seamless surface shone in the gentle light. He wiped my eyes and lifted me with his great arms.
“You didn’t lose the stone,” he whispered. “You forgot it in the car this morning, so I kept it for you.”
I felt myself relax in his strength as he carried me into the house, placing the flat stone back into his pocket.


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This article has been read 141 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 01/10/13
Wow you say so much with such few words. This piece tugged at my heart. I could feel the pain of the MC and wanted to crawl on the ground to help her search. The father's love and forgiveness speaks volumes. This is truly a wonderful piece. it's right on topic, yet still fresh and one of a kind. I enjoyed every word.
Lollie Hofer 01/11/13
I agree...you expressed a lot in just a few words. Short but sweet. A stone doesn't value much but when it is given with love attached, it is priceless.
Lollie Hofer 01/11/13
P.S. I did want to encourage your to leave a line between paragraphs because it helps the reader with the flow of the story. Again, sweet little piece.
Bonnie Bowden01/11/13
A treasure is truly in the eye of the beholder. I am very sentimental like the MC in the story.
CD Swanson 01/14/13
This was intense! Spectacular and creative way of presenting the topic. Nice job. God Bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 01/18/13
Congratulations on ranking 6 the in level one. This was on of my favorites. You can see the highest rankings on the message boards usually sometime Thursday evening or Friday.