The Official Writing Challenge
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01/10/13
Great job, I enjoyed this. Try to avoid using so many passive verbs: I was, he was, had been. Loved your story. Keep writing!
01/10/13
Well written story. I could relate to how difficult it is when people reject the truth. However, I am so glad God is a God of second chances.
01/10/13
You have lots of writing potential. You included a great POV, your main character was interesting, you had strong dialogue and your story line was quite interesting. I agree, keep your verbs from being passive but keep writing. I liked what I saw.
This is a powerful story. I think we all have our personal prisons that we need saving from and Jesus is just the guy who can save us!

One thing many writers work on is the concept show don't tell. It's not always easy to get that perfect balance. You could use some more showing. Take this sentence: It had been a long day for Elizabeth.
You can do some showing by doing something like this:
Elizabeth sank into the driver's seat and sighed. She messaged her temples before starting her car. It felt like months has passed since she had said her prayers that morning.
That's just an example of how you can take that first paragraph and paint some pictures for the reader and draw them in with the mystery of why she felt so tired.

I do like your MC. She has quite a bit of spunk. This line really hit your message home for me.
What they didn’t know was they were not really living but walking toward death.
I think it's quite profound and I can totally relate to feeling like that on some days. Another thing I really liked is you included the prayers in your story. Not everyone knows how to pray so I think by showing them you will be touching and helping more people than you can ever imagine. Keep writing, you have a gift to share with the world.
01/14/13
Gripping and intense writing. I enjoyed your MC, she was three dimensional with believable dialogue. Nicely done. God bless~