The Official Writing Challenge
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Very sweet story. In the first part I couldn't figure out whose head we were in. At first it seemed to be the wifes POV (her husband stirred)and then it went to the dad/husband. Easy fix though. Good job.
You did a wonderful job with this piece. The beginning was spectacular and created a sense of mystery and suspense that propels the reader forward.

You had some tiny errors like okay should be spelled out or both letters capitalized--OK. Also when using Mom as a name it is capitalized but if you put a qualifier in front of it like my or his then it should be in lowercase.

I think the dialog between the father and son was great. I could feel love and concern in both voices. The idea to match a teen son with an elderly blind neighbor is a fantastic idea. We need to encourage our kids to respect and treat their elders kindly. This story showed that quite clearly. I also really like that the son had the answer to the conflict. When writing children's stories, many adults tend to have the grown-ups resolve the conflict but it is much better to have the teen or the kid do it. Now your story may not have started off to be a teen's story, but with some polishing I could easily see this in a Sunday School take home paper or a young teen magazine. Good job.
11/30/12
You've given us some very good dialogue in this piece. Good job.
12/04/12
This entry was moving and held my attention throughout. The piece had an air of authenticity along with the realistic dialogue.
Thanks. God bless~
12/06/12
Interesting story between an elderly blind woman and a teenager neighbour. I like how it ends too with Clayton going to search the Bible for gardens and I know he will learn more than about gardens in the Bible.