The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
11/22/12
You shared some very good thoughts on time.
11/23/12
The opening of your entry made me smile. In the first 5 sentences, "time" is mentioned 9 times. I thought perhaps you were going for a humorous take. :-)

From there, you went on to talk about time, but there wasn't a clear focus. Creatively, especially for the Challenge, it's a good idea to "think outside of the box" and come up with a unique slant. That said, you obviously have a knack for teaching, which is a wonderful quality for any writer.

Great effort!
This is a lovely mini-sermon. You spoke right to my heart. I think you offered some great advice in this piece. I also think many people will be able to relate to this story. Most of us have wasted precious time by worrying, complaining or the one I'm most guilty of--living in the past.

My red ink would be be careful about repeating words. I think that in the beginning you meant to repeat the word time to stress your point. However, for me though, it was a tad distracting. One piece of advice I give is to challenge the author to write on topic without ever mentioning the topic word. It's not always easy to do that and to have the reader know the topic is time but I think you could handle that challenge. :) Also I noticed some little errors like random capital letters and quotation marks. A good challenge buddy could help you catch the things I mentioned. If you need help finding one check the message boards or send me a PM.

This piece was on topic. Quite a few people wrote about a similar message this week but yours add a flair in it. I could feel your passion in your words and your deep desire to help others understand what you do. Your opening line was a good hook. It had me chuckling and eager to read on. I also think the verses you used were a perfect fit for your message. The ending was grand and brought the reader full circle. This line really grabbed my heart because the truth of it is so obvious yet so many people miss out on it: The highest expression of love is time. Keep writing, I look forward to reading more of your work!
11/27/12
Good message and an interesting read. Thank you.
God bless~