The Official Writing Challenge
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This is an interesting story. You introduced the conflict right away, thus enticing the reader to keep reading.

You do have a POV shift. This is something I've just started working on in my own writing. When telling the story in a third person POV, the reader can only see, hear, and know what the MC is privy to. So while you could describe the other characters' actions and dialog, you can't tell the reader their thoughts or feelings. For example if it is being told from the POV of the pastor he could describe the anger and irritation of the kids across the street with something like: The guys huddled together and pounded their fists into their hands while glaring at the pastor from across the street. I hope that makes sense, if you need any clarification feel free to PM me and I'll try to help any way I can.

I think you did a great job of covering the topic. The story felt fresh and was entertaining. I also think you did a great job of showing how much just a little faith and prayer can make a huge difference in others. You have a great way of building the suspense. I found myself leaning in eager to keep reading. You have a knack for storytelling and I hope you will keep writing for only you can tell the stories that God gives you. Great job. :)
11/22/12
The Lord works in delightful ways. Good story. Thank you.