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Theresa looked at the pregnancy test. She was still in shock at the message it displayed, “pregnant.” It served to confirm what she already knew. She had noticed the tighter clothes, the sensitivity to certain foods and the all-familiar pregnancy glow. She knew exactly who she needed to share these news with and that there was no time to waste.
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I can't believe I am in this situation. How could I do this? I have been such a good girl all my life; the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect student. But there is no such thing as perfect. I am ashamed of myself, everyone thinks I am such a delightful young lady. My mother and father are so proud of me. If they knew what I have done they would stop loving me for sure. They would be embarrassed. I have surely ruined their lives and mine.
I thought he loved me. How could I believe in him so blindly? I will never trust another man again. It doesn't matter what promises he made, he only wanted to use me. My life weights on me like a bear sitting on top of my chest and I almost can't breathe. Gravity is pulling me down. All I want is to lay down on the floor and cry until my tears run out. Everything feels dirty around me, it all smells awful. I want to burn these clothes, they remind me of where I have been. They are filled with his scent and his lies. Oh! If there was a river where I could be washed clean again and escape this mess.
Everything has changed so fast. My clothes don't fit, my heart is broken and my dreams shattered. I can't ignore the life growing inside of me any longer. Heavenly father, this is a huge responsibility. I am not ready to be a mother. How will I raise this child on my own? How will I satisfy his or her needs Lord? How will I provide my baby food or clothes? How can I tell my parents? I am a disgrace!
Tamara, Tamara! Get a hold of yourself or somebody will notice. Time is running out. If I am going to do this I have to do it now. Besides, making the appointment was hard enough. Why cancel and have to go through this all over again? I should just go. Maybe I can finally get some peace and closure. Ever since I took that pregnancy test four weeks ago I have not slept or eaten much. My life is a nightmare. I wake up sweating in the middle of the night, drowning in my tears. Yes, I will do this. It is the only choice I have. I must leave now or I am going to be late.
****
Theresa walked to Tamara's room and knocked on her door. She knew exactly what was happening to her daughter. She didn't need to wait for a confession that might never come. Tamara opened the door quickly. “Hi mom, I was just on my way out. I am running late to meet Jody.” Theresa knew this was a lie. In an instant, the Lord brought back the memory of that day, seventeen years ago when she herself had also considered ending her pregnancy without telling anyone. Bill was struggling to put food on the table after losing his job. She had felt she had no choice. Every day she thanked God for interceding on Tamara's behalf. She was glad He preserved her life because Tamara was the sweetest gift to her from heaven. God had spoken to her heart and said “my sweet child, love is not convenient. It is choice that you must make moment by moment, day by day. You must choose to love yourself and to love this baby. I am your Father and I delight in you.”
Tamara was a miracle and she needed to help her see that her baby was a blessing from God to be treasured. Oh! She could never forget that day when she chose to love Tamara. She had not stopped loving her ever since and surely would not stop now. It was time to make some confessions to her daughter. It was time to hug her and support her and tell her it would all be okay. Together, they would choose to love again.
Note: This is a fictional story. Thank you for reading.
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