Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Park (10/25/12)
TITLE: Hey Boys! Should We Park and Walk?
By C. Roxanna Tineo
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Recently I have entered the world of homeschooling. Actually, it feels more like I dived into it after finally accepting the calling God placed in my hear. I knew deep down I had to do it this way because if I started planning or reading too much into it I would truly get fearful and change my mind. So we withdraw our oldest son from Kindergarten in an effort to let go of our comfort zone and just take the plunge into this new journey. Accepting this challenge to home-school has come along with a confession: I admit now that I have been a slave to rules and structure. I like to know what is going on around me at all times and I am most definitely a planner. I am not spontaneous whatsoever and surprises scare me tremendously. Even when I have felt that God has directed me to take a leap of faith, I often have a list of reasons why I can't. I am also quite skillful at convincing myself that it is my imagination prompting me to take action and not really God. I have lived in fear until now.
A few days ago, I surprised myself and my boys. We had just left a mother's group that I attend twice a month and I decided on the spur of the moment to go to a nearby park where there is a lake and ducks that the boys could feed. I took some leftover crackers from my mother's group meeting and wrapped them inside a napkin and got into my car. When we got there I said “Hey boys! Should we park and walk?” They looked at me as if I had two heads and of course screamed “yes” in excitement. You see, this is not the mommy that they see on a regular basis. It may sound pathetic but I never did stuff like this unless I knew I had all my “ducks in a row.” At this park there were not only ducks but it turned out God also blessed us with geese, turtles and little fish there for us. While I was sitting on a bench with my five month old daughter watching my boys play, all of a sudden the most refreshing fall breeze came and wrapped my face like a soft baby blanket. It felt so good and it was beautiful to see the leaves falling from the trees on the other side of the lake. The mixture of colors were astonishing. I could not help but smile and thank my Heavenly Father for showing me that the most precious moments and experiences can not be planned. Instead, they are gifted to us by Him when we choose to follow His prompting. In those special moments we catch a glimpse of heaven; precious heaven on earth.
I sense at this time that God is teaching me something monumental in my life. It is almost as if I have stepped into a new world, where my heart and mind are beginning to melt and take a new form. He is teaching me to trust Him with the details and that I don't need to have everything figured out in order to take another breath. He will show me one step at a time what I am to do and I must have faith that He will deliver on this promise. I am learning to let go and just feel and not be so calculative. I don't know why this has happened now but I am sure glad it has. Perhaps I am now ready or God felt this was the time for me to be freed from such chains.
The day at the park turned out to be remarkable. After the park we had lunch at an outdoor restaurant near the lake and then went shopping at a craft store to wrap up our impromptu outing. I am beginning to understand that I have permission from Him to live freely, to relax, to not have it all together, to be a child again... his child. It was His park, His day, His creation, His gift to me. Thank you God that my life is yours to plan and your love... for me to receive.
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