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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Cup - 10-25-12 Deadline (10/18/12)

TITLE: When Heaven Weeps
By matt renkema


When Heaven Weeps

The family is in the kitchen, the table is set, the chandelier's crystals offsets great grandmother's silverware with a shimmering reflection. As the kids help prepare for the big feast, they wait impatiently tasting mother's stuffing from the pot.

Near the head of the table, sits their father, the turkey is carved, and the crisp aroma of the turkey skin allures Johnny to snag a little for himself before prayer time.

"Hush", beginning to pray, the father hears a faint knock at the door. Mumbles and groans can be heard, and a burp from Johnny as he sips on his fizzy cider. The father puts down his napkin rather harshly, slides back his chair, and clears his throat as he opens the door.

A frail, old gaunt figure appears at the entrance. His coat was ruffled and tattered, and his mustache heavy and elongated, (the eyes of this wretch from the father's view looked glassy, like he was looking for trouble). He never spoke, but tried to communicate through some sort of sign language, but the father just thought he was an uneducated bum who had no family to take care of him. "He's not my problem", thought the father, and he closed the door on him.

Fraught with contention the meal continued as they argued about this and that, even the subject of whom they were going to donate to this year. Soon another tap, tap was heard.

"Grace, who could it be this time!"

He opened the door to find Jesus dressed in white, looking with sad eyes.

"Why won't you come in, you've always been welcome?"

"No I am not, my friend."

"Well, why not, we have all this food prepared, please, please come on in."

"Oh sons and daughters of mine, if only you had given a cup of water to this stranger it would have been better than sitting talking straight to my face, for I am the least of these.

"You see these marks", and he rolled up His sleeves, "Well, I died for him too. Then the father became quite pale, because Jesus had shed his white garments and became the very man the father sent away.

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This article has been read 279 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Marie Hearty 10/25/12
What a beautiful story. It brought tears to my eyes and gave me shivers at the very end when Jesus was talking to the father. It makes us think, how many times might we have turned Jesus away? Great job.

God bless!
C D Swanson 10/25/12
A powerful story that moved me beyond words. Execellent job...thank you!

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 11/01/12
This is a powerful story. You did a nice job with demonstrating that Bible verse in a modern way that many people can relate to.

One thing I might suggest is to do more showing with active sentences. For example this sentence is passive but with just a bit of rearranging you can change it from this: Near the head of the table, sits their father, the turkey is carved, to this: After Father carved the turkey he sat down near the head of the table.
It's not much of a difference put it helps the reader form a picture. You could go on with: The son licks his lips as the smell of turkey allures him and his stomach rumbles in anticipation.

I think your message is quite powerful. You did a nice job of bringing in the topic in a different way. Though many wrote about this idea your approach felt fresh. it is a message that we need to be reminded of. It is too easy to get caught up in our world and forget the others who are hurting and suffering. This was a powerful read.
Olawale Ogunsola11/07/12
A well deserved win. Congrats!