The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
10/25/12
I loved the suspense in your story... but I have to ask, who was doing the burglarizing? When you end a story, try to make sure that everything you begin, you finish; such as when you lead a reader in suspense, always give them the answer to the puzzle at the end so they won't be left frustrated. (Or at least give them a clue in the right direction.)Good story.

God Bless!
10/25/12
Intense, and descriptive piece. I enjoyed this story, especially since it can pertain to so many people in society today.

Good job with the characters, plot and ending. I enjoy when an author leaves an ending to "the imagination of the reader." I assumed it was both an inside job, but other times it may have been random.

Nicely done. Thanks...love the happy ending too!

God bless~
This is a sweet story. I enjoyed the thirty year journey with the couple and can appreciate the way times have changed.

Though you do use the word cup at the end of the story, I do fear the judges may rate it lower on the Did it meet the topic criterion. A good way to judge is would someone guess the topic if they didn't know what it is. Quite a few people wrote a similar type of story. One thing you may want to think about when picking a topic is to write down the first three to five ideas that come to mind and then throw those away, as it is likely that others will have those same ideas. If you do decide to go with one of the original ideas, try to think of an out of the box perspective. For example, one story was told from the POV of the silver that was made into the cup for the Last Supper. Many wrote about Jesus' cup but the POV was original and helped that story pop a bit more.

I do think you have a knack for storytelling and I really enjoyed your characters. The message is one many can relate to. You also did a nice job of transitioning throughout the story. It was well-written with few if any errors. I also enjoyed how how built the conflict. You did a nice job keeping the reader wondering about the break-ins and who the culprit might be. It also left me with a warm feeling in my heart as well as a desire to pray for teens who need that extra something special. Keep writing for only you can tell the stories that God lays on your heart. Good job.
I try not to read other comments so as to not influence me until after I have commented. I just want to say it was obvious to me that the culprits were likely the tewens and the gang they were involved in. I also understand, that like in real life, we often may not know for sure who committed a crime (sometimes even after a trial it still feels unsettled!) I think you did a nice job with the ending and you satisfied all of my questions that arose as you built the suspense. This just shows that different people have different opinions and that in the end the only one that matters is what you think (and God, of course) Try to remember that 99% of the feedback given here is given from a place of love and a desire to help you become the best writer you can be. I do think you did a lovely job! :) Hugs, Shann