The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/19/12
A pleasant read with a lot of tinkling bells around and a lot of truth too. Thanks!

Colin (Gold Member)
This is a wonderful story. I could relate to the MC's and the feeling that they were stuck.

I noticed a few tiny errors like missing some end quotes and if you have a quote inside a dialog then you use the double marks for the dialogue(') and the single one for the quote within (') and Ray Bands is a brand name so it should be capitalized. If you have a challenge buddy or want a critique group to help you with these things, check the message boards or PM me and I can help.

You did a wonderful job of covering the topic. You also did a nice job of building the conflict. I liked how the story came full circle in the end and that God inspired two of them to go and do work in his name. How cool is that? It's a wonderful message and we all do have a purpose and God has plans for us. It might be to go to Africa or to write, or even something as little as smiling at the store clerk. God can take something little and accomplish huge things! Nice job.
10/24/12
I enjoyed this. It was right on target for the theme. Such vivid images and character sketches, good job! Ditto what Shan said about small errors, but otherwise, good job:)
10/24/12
I really enjoyed this. Nicely done. God bless~