The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 451 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
10/11/12
I can't understand how people can see an accident like that and not do something. I have heard stories on the news where people have actually laid dead on the streets for hours before someone came to their aid. People are so consumed with their own life, and absorbed with their cell phones and such that they take no notice of what is right in front of them.

Good story and God bless you.
10/11/12
This sounds like an authentic tale, and if not...it is something that is so prevalent in our society. The media, and cell phone phenomena has desensitized a good portion of the population today. Along with "reality" shows, Youtube, and other such nonsensical vapid abominations.

Great job with this. Excellent and cleverly crafted going the "other way" with the topic. I thought this was excellent.

Thank you and God Bless~
You handled the topic in an intriguing way. This is a good example of how adults can give kids glimpses of wast bullying and being cruel is all about. It's important to remember to treat strangers like we would our friends.

You use the word was quite a bit which creates passive sentences. Instead try to replace them with active verbs. For example instead of She was not moving try something like She crumpled into a heap at the bottom of the steps, not moving a muscle. I also noted that you put 's for ups and downs but because you were making them plural it doesn't use an apostrophe.

I think you did a nice job of telling a story and I know many people will be able to relate to it. It does make one stop and think about what is happening in the world around us and that is always a good thing.
10/16/12
A good reminder for all of us to see things as God would. You might benefit from using a spell check as things like "crowed" when you meant "crowd" would possibily be highlighted for you. Also the patient is secured on the ambulance cot, rather than unto the cot. Keep writing and these little bits of red ink will become less as you learn. Nice job with this article.
10/17/12
A good story with valuable lessons. I wish the main character would have discretely approached the girls with their childish views of "funny" to help them recognize how unfunny it truly was.

10/19/12
Congrats and God Bless~
Hi -

This is an engaging piece with a valuable lesson. Did that incident really happen or is it a fiction piece?