The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/11/12
I truly enjoyed this story. It had sentimental value and held a significant message. Thanks, nicely done.
God bless~
10/11/12
Great Story! I have a brother much like Kevin (when I was young) who went to vietnam. I could relate to the mean brother bit. Thank you for this and keep writing!
10/12/12
Brothers can be baaaad, can't they? I never knew I had any till just a couple of years ago and I wish I had known of them sooner... but better late than never. Although, I do have 4 sons and a daughter so I can relate to the sibling rivalry that goes on.

Good story. God bless!
This is a powerful story. It's amazing how our actions can impact others in ways we might never imagine.

I think you did a great job of showing instead of telling in the beginning but then later on you slipped into using taglines like he said. This line here is an excellent example of showing and not telling: “He’ll be here soon, honey,” I leaned over and patted them on their heads.
It lets the reader know who is speaking as well as giving them some insight into the MC's personality--loving because of the gentle pat.

I thoroughly chuckled at how the siblings remember things differently. I'm the baby of my family and remember things totally different than my sisters. You did a nice job of writing on topic while delivering an important message. This is an impressive read and I really enjoyed it.
Wow, this brought a tear to my eyes. I loved it. God uses ways we cannot imagine to show someone the way to Jesus, and this touches that point. Actions speak louder than words. Excellent.
10/14/12
It's funny how two people can remember the same incident so differently. Great story!
10/17/12
Family moments ... often tense yet we enjoy the sentimental moments. Thanks for sharing this story.
Congratulations for ranking 7th in level one!