The Official Writing Challenge
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This was such an adorable story. It brought to mind when I was seven years old and lost at the beach with my big sister!

Good job of builing the tension and describing the little girls emotions.

Nicely done. Thank-you!

God bless~
Some very good descriptions and quite suspenseful. You did a good job.

God bless you :)
This is a good story. You do a nice job of showing the older sister's concern and take charge attitude. You also did a nice job of building the suspense.

I can see in some spots you are working on showing instead of telling but if you could do that even more it would turn a good story into a great one. The first line is good and an attention grabber but if you had added some more action it would have been even a bigger hook. For example: Karen bent over and pretended to tie her shoe, but she really wanted to wipe away the tears before her little sister spotted them. Glancing at her watch, her stomach did flip-flops when she realized they had been separated from their parents for two hours.
I tried not to change the actual scene but do it in a way where it hopefully will let the reader picture the emotions that would be running through her mind.
Even this line does some showing: Megan bent over as though she was in pain
But what does as though she were in pain look like? Is she wrapping her arms around her tummy and groaning or perhaps she bends over and bites her lip and squeezes her eyes shut.

You have done some great showing in this piece, I just want to see even more because it is such a delightful story. I think the ending was great. When writing for children a common mistake many adults make is they have the adult resolve the conflict. But you didn't fall into that trap. The adults guided but it was the courage and smart thinking that led the girls to the fire. I also liked how even though Mom and Dad were delighted they were back safe and sound, a punishment still loomed on the horizon. You have a delightful story in this one!
So much to like about this piece. The common sense the girls used (downward paths, following the water) when lost, remembering to ask God for help, and finally following their nose. Do you think God may have sent the wind in their direction as an answer? Nice job!
A fun story - enjoyed the interaction between the sisters.
What a fantastic story that was truly believable. Well done!
Oh, I loved this story. Having wandered off and gotten lost a few times in my life I could feel what they were going through...thank God for the BBQ smoke! Great Job!

God Bless!
Great pictures and emotions flow through here, for you have caught the thoughts and feelings of the two sisters so well. A good natural close wrapped it up well.
Congrats! Very, very good entry....hope you are feeling much better by now?

God Bless, Lynn
Congrats. God bless~