The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/13/12
Oh, this was such a sweet and fun read. You did a fabulous job of describing the collision with his mom. I could see the entire scene in my mind's eye! Great job.

God Bless~
09/13/12
I love the sentence "I tried to twirl backwards like an awkward ballerina, but the grounds' call won." Very good description. I liked the ending... very touching. As an after thought, you might want to put a space between paragraphs... your story will look much better and will be easier to read. Good work.
This is a really powerful piece. You grabbed my heart right away and did an excellent job of making me actually feel the grief of the MC.

You had a few typos, (a question mark missing and one that shouldn't be there) If you need someone to help you proof or as a challenge buddy check out the message boards or if you like you can PM me and I can help you or find someone else who can.

You packed a lot of emotions in this short piece. I'm not sure if it's a true story, (If not you really did a fantastic job of showing grief) but if it is true what a wonderful testimony to the Uncle. These stories are the type that the family will pull out and read over and over. The ending was great! I could feel the gloom lifting and almost hear Uncle Rence chucking.
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