The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/13/12
I liked the tone of this entry and enjoyed the MC's wisdom to solve the "crisis afoot" with Praise and Worship music. God is an awesome God. I enjoyed this!

God Bless~
09/13/12
I like how you had the friends come to the main characters aid right away, and also how you used the worship music to stop what could have ended in an argument.

Good job and God bless.
This is a charming story. You did a nice job of writing on topic. Also by suggesting the friends would be surprised brought some suspense to the story. Would it be a good surprise or a bad one?

You had a few typos that a proofreader would help you catch. It is not breaking the rules to have someone help you polish it up before submitting it. If you need help finding someone send me a PM and I'll help you. There are some little things that would make your story pop a bit more. For example if you tightened up the first paragraph to something like this--Recently a friend of mine invited me and some others to a cookout. No one knew that friends from the past would also be attending. Hopefully, a day spent reminiscing would be a delightful surprise to all.
I tried not to change it too much, but condense it so it flows a bit better.

I liked how the hostess managed to distract the others by playing some beautiful songs. Those are two of my favorite ones and I know they would be perfect for bringing a small group of people together. Keep writing and spreading the message that the Holy Spirit lays on your heart. I think you'd be surprised at the number of people you can touch with your words. :)