The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 249 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
09/13/12
This was a very good story! I enjoyed the entire piece. Good message, well-written and totally engrossing.

Nice job...God bless~
09/13/12
I could identify with the main character as her feelings were expressed very well. You showed that her friend had no clue as to how she was making her feel by describing all their material things... good portrayal. I like how in the end you bring the main character to Jesus and how she knows where her hope comes from.

Great work and God bless.
09/13/12
I could identify with the main character as her feelings were expressed very well. You showed that her friend had no clue as to how she was making her feel by describing all their material things... good portrayal. I like how in the end you bring the main character to Jesus and how she knows where her hope comes from.

Great work and God bless.
This is a good story. I could feel the inner conflict of the MC. I also liked the characters, even the friend who wasn't really a true friend. I liked the way you developed her personality.

I wish I could have seen even more of the exchange between the two and perhaps a peek into the MC's head. If you left out the long list of supplies that she bought (as they really aren't a vital part of the story) and instead used those words to show the reader the MC's emotional shape. For example her knuckles could have turned white from gripping the phone so hard or perhaps she was gritting her teeth or biting her lips. Anything that would help the reader know more about this delightful character of yours would be a great addition to the story.

The ending was the best part. My heart thumped when the kids noticed their mom was hurting. I also liked how she turned to the Bible to distract herself from her thoughts and problems. So many turn to other things. Keep writing, you have some good story lines that only you can tell. Your message in this one was great. You delivered it with dignity too. :)
09/15/12
Great presentation of an all too common struggle. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece.
09/20/12
Congrats! God Bless~