The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 323 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I really enjoyed this piece. You started off right away with the conflict. I could feel the MC's anxiety.

Try to be careful about repeating words or phrases close together. In one paragraph you used the word group 3 times. The phrase show up also was used a lot. You can fix it by subbing words like attend. A good way to spot those repetitions is to read the story aloud. Another thing you can do to avoid repeating words is restructure your sentences. For example something like Bob I'm glad you joined our little group. Normally we have about five men who attend.
I tried to still use your words but just tightened up the sentences some.

The ending was a great example of how God turns what we may consider to be a failure into something wonderful that gives him the glory. It would have been easier for the men to toss the food or take it home but instead they obeyed the Holy Spirit's nudge and were able to feed hungry people. How awesome is that? You did a spectacular job of weaving a valuable lesson into this story while still staying on topic.
09/13/12
I loved this realistic and affirming message about God and His astouding ways. This was a great read and I enjoyed the entire piece.

Thank you. God Bless~
09/13/12
I could picture the men sitting and waiting for the others to show up and felt their disappointment. I liked how you turned what the characters thought was a bad experience into something that God used to benefit others.

Great job and God bless.