The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 376 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I really enjoyed this piece. You did a nice job of building the characters.

The only thing I might suggest would be to start off with an attention grabber. Something like getting lost or having her stomach plunge as she laid her eyes on the familiar sight.

I did like the ending. You gave some subtle clues that normally I'd pick up on but this time I missed them and was delighted by the twist! You covered the topic in a different way. I also liked your ending. Life isn't tied up neatly into perfect bows and your ending leaves the reader anticipating what will happen. I loved the line a chance to do it God's way. It gives the reader a glimpse of what will happen next but it's not written in stone. I became a mom at the tender age of 18 and can so relate to your MC. I often wished I could start over and do it the right way, though your phrase God's way is even better than my right way. This was a great read.
09/13/12
Oh this was a sheer delight. I didn't see the ending coming at all! I was completely surprised. This was a wonderful entry and I truly enjoyed it.

God bless~
09/13/12
I LOVED this story. You worked up to the ending very well and it was such a nice surprise. Just make sure that you always speak from the main characters point a view (I used to struggle with this as well).

Great work and may God bless you.
09/20/12
Congratulations! God Bless~
09/21/12
Congratulations on your first place entry. It was an enjoyable read with a superbly crafted ending!