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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Junk Food (08/30/12)

TITLE: Change
By Gail Gray
09/05/12


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Change

Mary sat observing the grocery shopper’s pile up their grocery carts in total amazement. “Why are you so amazed?” Tom said quietly. I whispered to him, “That’s why people are so obese; they eat, too much junk food.”

Tom had a valid point, but I wasn’t interested in hearing it.

He said, “I must tell you anyway.”

After listening to him justify himself, I finally gave in to hearing him out.

“Mary,” Tom said, “If you eat junk food occasionally, it’s not bad for you. It’s best if you allow fruits and vegetables to be consumed more and junk food less.”

“Have you heard about balance?” Tom asked.

“Yes,” Mary said.

“What do you know about balance Mary?”

“Well Tom it’s like this, if you eat an adequate amount of healthy food, there’s room for a little junk food. However, Tom, when a grocery cart is filled with over 90 percent junk food, that’s a problem.”

“You’re right,” Tom replied.

Mary began to recall growing up days in South Carolina.

“In my house Tom, healthy food was mandatory. I’m happy about the example my parents sat for me. It’s easy now to choose healthy foods over junk foods, because of that.”

Tom agreed, “Yes! That’s a key to making healthy choices.”

It’s no wonder we’re experiencing so many complications today. Obesity, ADHD, and other health related diseases, are causing major concerns for our future.

“So Tom, let’s start a campaign,” said Mary.

“That’s a good idea, Mary.”

“Great Tom,” said Mary.

Mary began to think about a title for the campaign.

She said, “Let’s call the campaign, “Change.”

Tom said, “That’s a great title, because that’s what needs to happen; do things differently.”


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This article has been read 105 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/06/12
I enjoyed this little exchange between the two. You did a nice job of covering the topic.I also liked the name of the program and your story. :)

Instead of using taglines like he said or she replied. Use this spot to show the character's emotions. Try instead something like--"Yes." Mary gritted her teeth as she felt the blood rush to her face. This shows that she is a bit frustrated or embarrassed. Also be careful about switching from first person (I) to third person (Mary).

Overall you did a nice job of developing the conflict and then having the two work together for a resolution. You have some great ideas. Keep writing, I'm excited to read more of your work.
Nancy Bucca 09/07/12
The title here is good, the dialogue is good, and it's a good take on the topic. It just needs a little proofreading in the area of spelling and grammar. (e.g. "I'm happy about the example my parents sat (set) for me.").

Overall I liked this and look forward to reading more from you.
Geoffrey johnstone09/11/12
Congratulations on a good piece. You have talent and it shows. Keep writing! With time and experience you will grow.
Laura Manley09/11/12
I enjoyed this entry very much; however, I felt it ended abruptly. I don't know if that is because of the word limit, but I felt like I'd been stood up. All in all, however, I enjoyed the message you had in it. Good writing.