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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sweet to the Taste (08/23/12)

TITLE: The Donut Explosion
By Ken Ebright
08/29/12


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Phil walked into the donut shop with his accountability partner Jared. Jared ordered, then sat down.

Phil stepped up to the counter and pointed at the donuts in the case. "I'll have three of those red donuts, and a large cup of coffee."

The young lady brought the donuts and coffee and set them on the tray. Phil's face turned red. "Donít you know how to listen? I said I wanted a large cup of coffee. I can't believe the people they hire these days."

The young ladyĎs face turned to a frown. "Sir, I thought you wanted a small cup. I am sorry I misunderstood you."

The young lady brought a large cup and Phil joined Jared at the table. Jared shook his head. "Phil, one would think getting food with sugar would make you sweet, but you left a bad taste in that woman's mouth. You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Phil glared at Jared. "People who work in restaurants are brainless."

Jaredís eyes narrowed. "Christians donít act this way. You need to deal with your anger. What would happen if you were in her shoes? You need to be a Christian witness to people."

Phil swallowed and threw his donut down on the tray. "So what? She doesnít know Iím a Christian."

Jared clenched his teeth. "That not the point; the Lord would not want you to act that way."

Phil hung his head. "Okay, maybe youíre right. I seem to have a problem with my temper. Maybe I need to pray for GodĎs guidance."

"Yes you do!" said Jared.

********************

A month later both men met in the same donut shop. Jared ordered, and sat down at a table. Ironically, the same young lady stood at the counter. Phil looked down and did not make eye contact. "I'll have a large cup of coffee and those donuts right there." Phil pointed to the ones with red frosting, but the lady picked up the ones with white frosting.

Phil looked up and smiled. "Excuse me, itís all my fault. I wanted the ones with red frosting."

"I am sorry sir. I'll get you the right ones." The young lady put the white donuts back, and retrieved the right ones. Then Phil sat down with Jared.

Phil picked up a donut and bit into it. "I just love the sweet taste of strawberry frosting on these donuts."

"Phil, I think the sweetness in the donuts got you this time. Do you remember the last time we were here?"

"Oh yeah, I blew up when the lady messed up my order, and itĎs the same lady that is working today." Phil took a sip of his coffee.

Jared smiled. "This time you left a sweet taste in her mouth."

Phil swallowed his donut. "The Lord has changed my life. Prayer, and the counselor Iíve been seeing have helped me with my temper."

"Phil, I want to pray for you."

"Sure." Phil smiled.

Both men bowed their heads. "Lord, I want to rejoice today in the way you changed Phil. I pray that you would continue to help him with his temper. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen."

Both men stood up and strolled towards the door. Phil went towards the counter. "Young lady."

The lady walked up to the cash register. Phil pulled a bill out of his wallet. "I don't know if you remember, but I was here a month ago. You messed up my order and I wasn't very nice to you. I know I left a bad taste in your mouth. I want to give you a five dollar tip."

The young lady started to smile. "You don't have to."

Phil placed the five dollar bill on the counter. "I insist. I call myself a Christian. I should have acted better. I want to show you how sorry I am."

The young lady wiped off the counter with a rag. "Thank you. I try not to mess up peopleís orders."

"I know I should have been more understanding. The Lord has been helping me with my temper. I need to keep my cool in stressful situations."


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This article has been read 204 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Theresa Santy 08/31/12
I enjoyed this 'sweet' message.

Stories that deliver a Christian message are often confined inside a sort of box, where all the pieces fit all too neatly.

However, you have a paragraph in here that lifts your story out of this box. It is my favorite paragraph:

Phil placed the five dollar bill on the counter. "I insist. I call myself a Christian. I should have acted better. I want to show you how sorry I am."

This, to me, is the defining standard of a Christian. As humans, we are prone to slip in obedience, but as Christians, we can always own up to our mistakes, and that is what sets us apart.
CD Swanson 08/31/12
I loved this story...and agree with Theresa. As Christians we have to be responsible for our actions, and make things right. Clearly this MC did, in a big way. Great job.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/31/12
I really liked this story. You did a nice job of it.

I can tell you're working on showing instead of just telling. You're getting there but can still do a bit more showing. You showed Phil's face turning red, but he was really angry. If you had him ball his fists and slammed it down on the table while talking through clenched teeth, that would have really painted a picture for the reader.

I think you covered the topic in a great way. I liked how you used both meanings of sweetness. I also think it was great that his friend showed him he was wrong. That can be hard for some Christians, but it does say we should correct our brother.

The ending may have been stronger if, you ended it with him giving the money and saying something like "I insist and God agrees." Then maybe have the waitress break into a real smile for the first time since the man entered the shop.

You really did a nice job and I can see how you are trying to work on bettering your story. Well done.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/06/12
Congratulations! Two HC's in a row.
Pam Ford Davis 09/06/12
Congratulations on your entry...
Wing His Words!
CD Swanson 09/09/12
Congrats. God bless~