The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/23/12
Excellent message in this lovely story. The Lord will "jolt" us into action many times...and He does it so well! I enjoyed this completely.

The only tiny suggestion I have is "there was one place where you used Emma's name three times". I was told by my editor very often ( I do it too, I wasn't aware until he pointed it out to me) not to repeat names, or objects, especially within one paragraph.

Other than that...It was a great story filled with Christian scruples and moral fiber, and a lesson to be learned for all...I Loved it.

Thanks. God Bless~
I like this story. You did a nice job of establishing a conflict right away. I couldn't help but like Jerry, even though he was a bit selfish at first.

You've done a nice job but some of the dialog needs a bit of fine tuning to sound more natural. Sometimes you would repeat the name instead of using the pronoun like she. Also make sure everything you put in the story has a purpose. You don't need to say the pastor got in his car and drove off, the reader would assume that. But if the pastor got in the car and sped off, weaving through traffic that would show the reader how anxious he was to get to the hospital.

I liked how you worked the topic in. I thought it was creative. The message is perfect. It's one, I think we all need to be reminded of. you did a nice job with this one. :)
08/24/12
I love this story. "Guilted Samaritan" is a perfect title. He certainly was guilted (though not jilted), wasn't he?
08/25/12
Good message in your story, one that probably convicts all of us. Good job.
This reminded me that we do sometimes get nudged into action when we need it. Good message.
Congratulations! Happy Dance!
08/31/12
Congrats...God bless