The Official Writing Challenge
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08/09/12
A very good approach for the topic at hand. This read very smoothly and I felt I was in the midst of your story. A job well done!
08/10/12
Oh I loved this entry. I simply adore stories pertaining to scriptures, and the "what may have been going on" behind the scenes. This was a worthy read, and moving in full capcaity of serenity and peace. Great job, great story, and beautiful piece.

Thanks! God Bless~
Nicely done.

At the conversation parts of this entry, I think there could have been a few directional cues as to who was speaking. It is not like it was difficult to tell by any means, but it could have given the reader more of a visual if the one speaking made a movement or something so that the story had another dimension to it.

On topic and very good entry.
Nicely done.

At the conversation parts of this entry, I think there could have been a few directional cues as to who was speaking. It is not like it was difficult to tell by any means, but it could have given the reader more of a visual if the one speaking made a movement or something so that the story had another dimension to it.

On topic and very good entry.
08/12/12
This is a fresh take on the familiar story and i love the "what could have happened on the side" kind of stories. You've done a nice job on telling the story in a way we could feel a part of the scene. One small point here... the scriptures do not say that Jesus was thirsty, only that he was hungry. Perhaps, there was some kind of creek where he was so he could drink? No idea but it is interesting to consider why it doesn't mention any thirst. I liked your story and think it would make a terrific piece for young readers, too!
08/13/12
Very clever and an interesting take on the topic from the younger brother point of view. I enjoyed this.
08/13/12
Very imaginative look at Jesus' time in the wilderness from His brother's eyes. I enjoyed it very much! :)
08/13/12
I love how you have opened our imagination to the nitty gritty (showing my age) of Jesus' humanity without reducing his divinity. Well done.
I really enjoyed this charming little story. I often wonder what it must have been like to grow up with Jesus as a brother. I think you did a good job of getting into his head.

The one thing I might suggest is to do more showing than telling. Take this sentence-- Jude adored his oldest brother as he was growing up. Try switching it up a bit. As a child, Jude followed Jesus everywhere. He imitated his actions and bragged to his friends about his brother. Though that may be a tad rough I hope it shows you how to do more showing than telling, to help paint a picture for the reader.

You handled the topic in a fresh way. As Christians, it's hard to picture being out in the wilderness but you did a good job of pulling the reader into the story. Nice job.
08/16/12
Congratulations on your placement Lynn! This was so good...God Bless~
Congratulations Lynn! Happy Dance!