The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/09/12
This was a delightful poem; it was so true to life, I could visualize myself right in the store. I perhaps don't know a lot about poetry, but if I may, I would suggest you use spaces between your standards. Some of your stanzas have very good rhythm, while others are awkward for this reader to follow. Again, I am no expert in poetry so I may be missing something that I should know. All in all, this reader enjoyed the dlightful scenario of this poem. Very good!
08/10/12
This was a cute little poem. It reminded me of a country song! Nicely done, and told. And, certainly nailed the topic. Thanks.

God bless~
Such a familiar place for me to visit...the grocery store. This poem was on topic; however, I think there could have been a little more attention to comma placements as I read this aloud. This poem was moving as I could feel the frustration of forgetting to buy the main item/reason for the trip to the store.
08/13/12
What a fun trip to the grociery store, and what a familiar experience: going there for one thing, then seeing all these other things you want and forgetting the one thing you came to buy! Great job and a delightful read.
This is a really cute little piece. I think many of us can relate going to the store for one thing and then being distracted and getting everything but the original item.

I know it's not easy to get a poem ready in just a few days. Some of the rhymes see mes a tad forced (like I would say beans not bean) and I stumbled on the flow of some lines. If you can let the poem sit overnight or a day or two you will be able to see the spots and come up with ways to fix them.

You did make me smile. I love the irony of it all. There are more than just a message or two in this piece. It's so easy to let the things we really need in life to simmer on the back burner with hopes of getting to it soon. The great thing, though, just like most convenient stores, Jesus is available 24 hours a day. Nice job.