The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/05/12
Your description of the chicken and her desire for it made me want to be in that kitchen and be able to devour some of it myself. I enjoyed this story very much.
08/05/12
I enjoyed the messages in this descriptive piece. The story was imaginative and you did a great job of concluding. Thanks.

God bless~
Your faith and resolve sounded so strongly in this piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it; and although I could not completely identify with your MC's particular predicament, I could understand her thoughts and understand because similar situations bind us all together one way or another.
08/07/12
This is great writing....I enjoyed the entire story..keep it up!
08/07/12
I enjoyed your story. You did a good job in describing the power of the scent of delicious food. One suggestion: check over your sentences so you are sure they say what you really want them to say. Eg. your first sentence:
'After a long day of activity and only snacks to hold me, it didn’t take long for the buttery garlic to permeate my room that Mum used to coat the chicken skin.'
It sounded as though Mum used the room to coat the chicken skin. Just changing the order of the words would make better sense:
'After a long day of activity and only snacks to hold me, it didn’t take long for the buttery garlic that Mum used to coat the chicken skin to permeate my room.' Thanks for your story.
Oh this was a delight to read! You did a great job. Oh how often we are tempted in life. Even when we know we shouldn't, it can be easy to succumb.

The only red ink I noticed was you capitalized Husband and in-laws. The only time you would do that is if you were using it as a name like in Mum. However if you put an article in front like my, it becomes just a noun and is in lowercase--my mum.

I think you did a brilliant job of thinking outside the box but still stayed on topic. The beginning piqued my curiosity and your well-written story carried me to the end.