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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Savory to the Taste (07/26/12)

TITLE: Burt And Bart
By Ken Ebright
07/30/12


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"Look at all the different styles of ribs Burt, said Bart" As he and Burt strolled though Rib Fest.

At each booth one could purchase two ribs marinated in different kind of sauces. Bart chose Barbecue and Cream Of Mushroom, while Burt had Honey Mustard and Jalapeño. They sat down at a bench.

Burt bit into one of the jalapeno ribs. "Water - I forgot water, I need water!"

Bart sprang up from the table, ran to the booth that had water, and sprinted back. Meanwhile, Burt was waived his hands in the air and screamed, "Ahhh ahhhh!"

When Bart returned to the bench, Burt gulped down the water. "Oh thank you," he exclaimed while breathing heavily.

Bart giggled. "Burt, didn’t you know that those ribs would be hot?"

Burt started to breath normally. "Yeah I did; I love to eat hot things. I'm also not afraid to take a challenge."

Bart sipped on a glass of water. "Not afraid of a challenge huh?"

Burt picked up a Honey Mustard rib and held it in front of his mouth. "Most people fall into the fear trap."

Bart chewed on a rib, swallowed it and asked. "What do you mean fear trap?"

Burt took a napkin and wiped barbecue sauce off his face. "They let fear stop them, whether it’s eating hot food’s or street witnessing."

Bart brought a rib up to his face, but stopped. "Do you mean going out witnessing for Jesus?"

"Yes, most people are afraid of a challenge. They’re afraid that they’ll be rejected or called a crackpot." Burt sipped on his water.

"Burt do you go out and try to reach people for Jesus?" asked Bart.

"Yes I do; I’ve been doing it for the past five years. I've led ten people to Christ. Bart have you ever gone out witnessing?”

Bart shook his head. “Never, people might laugh at me.”

Burt glared at Bart. “So they laugh at you. Don’t you think they were laughing at me when they saw me screaming a few minutes ago?”

Bart rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but...”

Burt shook his finger at Bart. “There are no butts. I survived. Besides if they laugh at you there laughing at Jesus. Toughen up! I took the jalapeno challenge. You can take the witnessing challenge. Will you go out with me on Saturday?”

"Okay, I will," said Bart.


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This article has been read 236 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Laura Manley08/02/12
Although I enjoyed your entry, I found it very hard to follow with Bart and Burt being the main characters. I think if you had chosen names that were not so close to sounding like the other, it would have been easier to follow, at least for me. However, that being said,, I enjoyed the message you had in this story; it's one that we all need to listen to.
Nancy Bucca 08/03/12
This was positively hilarious; I love the strong message and hope to see it win something.
CD Swanson 08/05/12
Hahahahahaha...Sheer delight to read! I loved it. It was clever and enjoyable from start to finish.Great message sprinkled throughout. Thanks!

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/08/12
I think this is a cute story. You were creative with the names. The fact that the names almost sound alike and are almost spelled the same helps emphasize your point. Some Christians have only a little thing that might set them aside from others. The difference from going out and witnessing and staying home and keeping God to yourself, though it may sound little, on closer inspection it's as big a difference as Burt is from Bart.

You have several errors that interrupt the flow. Things like a missing quotation mark, incomplete sentences and misspelled words like there instead of their. It's really important to go over each line of your story and make sure you catch all the mistakes that a proofreader pointed out or if you are the proofreader, you need to let the paper set for at least a day then check it word for word.

You have some great showing in this piece. It may need some more but verbs like sprint, gulp, and jumped really help paint a picture for the reader. Nice job.