The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/02/12
Your entry had a real home-town feel; your vacations with lots of emphasis on food. It must have been nice growing up in that environment. I would suggest that you proofread your entry very carefully before submitting it next time. In this instance, you seem to have unfinished sentences in several places. But I still very much enjoyed your story because I so enjoy family time and food and you spin a good yarn.
08/04/12
I see you savoring that vacation. Mmm... good, eh?
08/05/12
Awwwww. I loved this. Such a sweet story about loving and tender memories. Those treasures in your heart remain forever. I especially was touched by the last line. I made my heart smile as I thought of my own loving dad...who now lives in heaven. Thanks for this beautiful story.

God Bless~
This is a sweet story. I think most families have those special memories that are rehashed and possibly even stretched a bit each year. Yours gave me a good giggle.

My little offer of red ink would be to watch how often you repeat words. I think you'd be surprised if you went back and counted the number of times you used memories and food. You can fix this by restructuring some of the sentences. Take your opening line and by rearranging it a bit, you can avoid too much repetition. For example: Memories equal food; the look, the smell, the taste all help to form one of my favorite recollections while on a bi-annual family vacations. That isn't perfect but I hope it shows you what I mean.

You did a nice job of tackling the topic in a way many can relate to. If I close my eyes I can imagine strawberry pie splattered on the window and the looks on everyone's face. Nice job.