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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Potluck (Meal or Gathering) Deadline 7-26-12 @ 10 AM NY Time (07/19/12)

TITLE: It Was On That Day That I Believed
By Tendi Rice


As we sat in the blazing sun, sweat dripping through every pore in our bodies, we barely noticed how far spent the day was. We had walked many miles to get hear and though exhausted and weary, we sat all day despite the heat. Now the sun was going down and we had not had anything to eat. Most people seemed to have travelled a lot further than I had. It seemed impossible they could journey back home on empty stomachs.

We continued to sit and listen to this man who spoke so elegantly and with so much authority, though he appeared very simple and obviously not from a wealthy background. His stature was tall and slim, seemingly well spent beyond his years, possibly from all the walking and missionary work he was said to do. Despite all this, his face looked kind and calmly, which probably explained the large crowd he always drew to himself. His words were plain and easy to understand even to the most uneducated amongst us, not to mention the numerous young people within this crowd. Many said it was because he had not pursued his education much as his parents could not afford, but that did not explain how his speech was also so articulate and well-expressed that even the most learned professors among us were bedazzled by his knowledge.

Notwithstanding that most people had no idea what they would eat or how they would make their way home in this state, the throngs continued to listen to him, catching his every word like water in a parched land. The mothers with young children were struggling a lot more as their little ones became restless, with most crying and complaining of hunger. The parents tried to quiet them down so they would not interrupt everybody else, but their children only got the more impatient, fidgeting and fiddling about continuously.

Once he finished the talk he was giving, he had a few of the men of his team to organize us to sit in groups. Everyone wondered what group activity he now wanted us to take part in, but unquestioningly obeyed, congregating in groups of about fifty. Something about him made you trust his every utterance, even when you did not understand it.

Once we settled down orderly, we watched him open a small portion of bread and fish, then look up to heaven and utter a Prayer, as was his custom. He then instructed his twelve followers to distribute this food to us. Given the many thousands of people that were here, we all wondered what that meant. A few complained that whilst the rest of us starved, he chose to make us watch him feed only a few of us. Other suggested that the elders, more recognized and honorable members of society would be given these small provisions. Yet others begged that they give the children who obviously seemed to be suffering the most.
We watched as his helping hands distributed the food to each group of fifty, giving to all and not leaving anyone out. We were utterly amazed that the miniature supplies were not dwindling. This man had been said to be a prophet, a miracle worker, a religious man and many other titles he had gone by. I had heard of his many works and seen people he had been said to have healed, but watching him make a potluck of five loaves of bread and two fish was my proof he was the Savior.

It was on that day that I believed.

Based on Matthew 14:13-21, Mark 6:30-44, Luke 9:10-17

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Member Comments
Member Date
C D Swanson 07/27/12
Beautiful job of the "inner voice" observing and watching Jesus feed the multitudes. Lovely entry.

Thank you. God Bless~
Laura Manley07/29/12
What an awesome look at the personal potluck that Jesus had more than once in the Bible. This was well written and a delight to read. Well done...
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 07/29/12
I really liked the tone of your story. You had me fascinated and I wanted to keep reading more, even though I knew what the story was.

Something that would make this even better would be to do more showing than telling. This is something all writers struggle with at first. One way you could do this is to show actual dialog. For example instead of giving a general idea of what the grumblings were about add some details like this. The man two rows in front of me stomped his feet and his face glowed red as the vein in his forehead pulsated. "That's just plain mean to make us without food watch others stuff their faces!" This shows the reader the man ids angry and helps paint a picture.

I've read several stories about the bread and fish this quarter but I really liked the spin yo0u put on it. I thought it was quite creative and I've never really stopped to think that there would be people grumbling and babies crying. You did a wonderful job of getting me to see it from a different angle. Be careful t5hat your title doesn't give away your ending. I thought that last line was a brilliant and perfect ending. I am bad about reading tittles beforehand so it really hit the message home for me and I thought just those 8 words or so were quite profound.