The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/19/12
I never thought about teaching the Bible with the simple act of making a cake. Great concept. It reminded me of a Soldier in Iraq who does the same thing with a deck of cards.
This is a sweet story. There is something about special mother-daughter time in the kitchen.

You had quite a few errors that a good proofreader would catch for you. At times you capitalized Mom when used as a name and other times didn't. Then when it has a qualifier in front of it like your it should have been lowercase. You used were instead of we are.

Also try to make every sentence vital to the story. Like the sentence -- June picked up her fork... it doesn't really tell the reader anything. We know they are eating dinner already so try to use those spots to give the reader insight into the emotions of the MC perhaps June grinned from ear to ear and looked at her daughter as she spoke. Those would show her state of mind.

I really liked the title it drew me in and made me smile. Your beginning was a nice start to introduce the characters to the reader. You definitely were on topic and you delivered a great message in clear and simple ways for even a child to understand Jesus' sacrifice. Nice job.
07/20/12
I love this story...teaching about Jesus while baking...it made me feel warm and fuzzy....Great Story!
07/20/12
This spoke to me! It brought some great memories to mind of when I baked with my mom as a little girl. We had some great times...and I especially loved the cakes for Jesus.

Nicely done...and well written as it brought forward a myriad of emotions to the reader. Thanks.

God bless~