The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 358 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
07/20/12
What a sweet rendition of a fun memory. I loved how the child re-enacted the baking session. You did a good job of writing to topic and relaying the child's emotions.

Just a few punctuation issues; perhaps too many commas used when breaking up into sentences might have been more effective.

Watch the frequent use of "I" when writing in first person.

Nicely done! Keep writing:)
07/20/12
This was a delight to read. Great job with the young child's thoughts, and overall description of events that followed.

I enjoyed it so much. Thanks!

God bless~
I love taking trips into the corridors of memory. So many treasures to be unearthed are hidden in there.

You've done a beautiful job drawing out the memory of this child. I'm curious, though, is the person reconstructing the scene in her mind a grown woman, or still that child? It's probably not important to know, but does stir my imagination to possible scenarios that incited the memory in the first place.
This is a sweet story. I could easily picture the little girl with bits of flour on her nose feeling grown up enough to help Mommy.

You had a few errors like to instead of too and pealed instead of peeled, and some repeating words in a short time that a good proofreader or critique group would help you catch.

The ending was especially sweet to me. It seems like nowadays less and less children realize that giving of ourselves can be so fulfilling. We are raising children in an instant gratification era and stories like this are needed to remind us what is really important. You did a lovely job of staying on topic, delivering a n important message while keeping the reader entertained.
07/24/12
This was completely endearing and delightful. This not only spoke of a more simple time but a simple persepctive - that of a small child. I thought the piece flowed and it was easy to stay interested righ to the end. I enjoyed the revealed purpose at the end - just added to the overall sweetness that already existed. Nice work here!
Congratulations for placing 8th in level one!