The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/12/12
Poignant thoughts expressed well. The season names made it a little confusing for me, but a nice story all the same.
I enjoyed this bittersweet story. I have to smile at a mom who would name her kids after the seasons. That speaks volumes about her personality.

Be careful to have a good proofreader check for little errors like when Mom is used as a name to capitalize it and to start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks. Double-spacing between them will help give the reader more white space too.

I like how you ended it with some resolution but not a complete one. That leaves the reader hungering for more and able to match the story to their own life. I think you covered the topic in a fun yet fresh way too. Good job.
This is a good idea. It rang true and I know a lot of families experience similar trials.

It was not an easy read but you show great promise as a writer.
07/12/12
Nice story.

I couldn't help but notice all the "I's" in the first paragraph, particularly the first word of many sentences. Try mixing up your opening words with verbs and other words. Instead of "I faced heavenward as I soaked up the sun with my eyes closed", consider "With my face heavenward, I soaked up the sun . . ." OR "Soaking up the sun with my face heavenward . . . "

I too, had a bit of a hard time following the story, I think largely due to the grammatical errors and the very large paragraphs. You do need spaces between dialogue. You should do a google search on formatting dialogue.

By the way, I was born the first day of Summer. My middle name is Dawn (for beginning), but was almost Summer. ;)

I like your story idea of a broken family seeking healing. An original take on the topic. Nice job.

07/13/12
This was interesting and clever. Nicely done. It was imaginative and held my interest throughout. Thanks.

God bless~