The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/12/12
i am living proof of what can be done if you call on Jesus and put yourself in His hands. This was great! well written and so true! God Bless You! Lynn
07/12/12
Nicely done devotional. Thank you!
07/13/12
Beautiful and moving. This was filled with truths that resonated throughout the entire entry. Good job.

God Bless~
This is a great devotion. You picked a perfect scripture to go with your message. I think you nailed the topic in a fresh and innovative way. You also delivered the message without coming off as preachy. This is a great piece of work.
07/15/12
This is a sweet story. You drew me into the touching little world of a child with cancer and the mother's experience in dealing with it.

I noticed first off that your first two sentences begin with an -ing word. Make sure you mix up sentence openers. You can begin a sentence so many ways and the more varied your opening words choices are throughout a piece, the more interesting it is.

Other than the very large paragraph that should be broken up, as others suggested, there were a few other formatting errors and/or typos. Be careful to proofread before hitting the submit button. The judges take these things into account.

I also agree that middle section had a lot of telling. I had a similar section in my very first challenge entry. I didn't get it at first when someone pointed it out, but have learned, over time, how to mix up the telling with more showing. And it does improve the story.

This is a wonderful story, with a nice ending. Keep writing!
You have some ability and it shows. My first impression was that you have something worth saying. With time the grammatical issues with sort themselves out.

Don't be afraid to ask for honest feedback. Practice makes perfect.