The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/12/12
This is a sweet story and quite appropriate considering all of the storms that have been on the news. The title drew me in right away.

Make sure you get a good proofreader to help you with the mechanics. you often put an apostrophe s to make the word plural. For example: attendee's and hit's should be attendees and hits. There were spots where you were missing a comma or a period. For example you needed a period after ...open the door. "Everyone get in." also Ranger and Pastor shouldn't be capitalized unless used as a name. For example Pastor Greg or pastor of the church. Yes, Ranger and park ranger.

These are just little errors that can be fixed by a thorough proofread. Your message is perfect. I really felt connected with the MC. I love the analogy -storms in our life. This is so true. It is easy sometimes to forget. I also liked the ending. It might have had more impact if you had ended with the ranger's last words. It would leave the reader thinking about getting to know Jesus better.

I think you did a nice job of writing on topic and giving an important message without coming off as preachy. All in all this is an enjoyable read and I think you did a nice job with it.
07/12/12
On topic with a good message.Keep writing.
07/13/12
What a wonderful story! I loved it, so clever and filled with many emotions. Nicely done. Thank you.

God bless~
07/19/12
Nice and to the point.

Its OK to say "This is a true story." at the start.