The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/12/12
What a lovely memory you shared about the family picnic where your Uncle Ron accepted Christ. It made me hungry reading about all the good food! :) I can tell that picnics were an important part of your growing up years, and it's good to have these special stories written down!
This is a lovely story. I could feel the emotion and power behind it. I think the title is a perfect fit.

Make sure if you use Mom or Dad as a name that you capitalize it.

You really did a nice job of writing on topic while delivering an important message. Having God at the center of family life is vital. Good job.
07/12/12
A beautiful memory, well expressed here. Thank you!
07/13/12
An all together lovely rendition of coming to "Christ" while bringing the topic to life. Nicely done. Family gatherings are so important, and memories that are shared will last a lifetime.

Thanks. God bless~
As a new member and beginner, I thoroughly enjoyed your story. I laughed when you mentioned not calling them 'deviled' eggs, but 'stuffed' eggs. I never thought of it that way, but it sure makes sense. I too from now on will call them 'stuffed eggs' and will refer to your story. Praise the Lord for your mom's wisdom on that and thank you for the story, it is definitely a winner!
07/16/12
This is a sweet story. You've gotten so much praise already, I'll just point out a few places where you could improve.

You don't need to include the title in the body of the story, only list it where indicated in the submission form.

You would hold the reader's interest more if you added more showing, instead of telling. Do a google search on the subject and glean all you can, as this is a big key to great writing.

The following two sentences, as written, should be one sentence with a comma at the end of the quote. “Don’t wait on Clark, he can’t make it.” Uncle Ron told dad as he sat the basket on the table.

However, it would be stronger if you kept it as two sentences and changed "told" to a stronger verb that "shows" what the speaker is doing. Perhaps, "Uncle Ron glanced at Dad." (By the way, Dad should be capitalized in this case, as you are using it as his "name", what you "call him".)

Feel free to private message me if anything I have said doesn't make sense to you.

Your story fit the topic perfectly and I think it's great that "the picnic with God" resulted in salvation, just another "picnic with God" had once occurred as celebration of salvation earlier on. Nice job!