The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/12/12
Spiritful food is all we need, then our earthly needs will be takne care. We are fortunate to have both kinds! God Bless, I really enjoyed this!

Lynn
I noticed that there seems to be sentences that could easily fit together using commas, and semi-colons. Perhaps making some paragraphs a little longer, instead of each sentence by itself. I work on this all the time.
This was nice to read. I get it.

07/12/12
A good thought...potentially a good devotional. I'm not sure what you meant by "God thinks He is God," but the piece has a good message.
07/12/12
I'm not sure you stayed on topic, but you have presented many great points. Sometimes its best to focus on one or two ideas that are related so that the reader is not left trying to figure out what's the main point of your piece.

For ex. Jesus taught many lessons around the table. What lessons were they? How did they impact the lives of those who heard them? What can we learn from what Jesus taught?

I love your last paragraph!
07/12/12
Thanks for the good words from all of you.

When I say, and I often do, that, "God thinks He is God," it is my tongue in cheek way of saying, "And Who do we think He is?" "Is God correct that He is God?"

If He is God, we should pay attention.

Maybe I should find another way to ask the question or to pose the thought.

Many thanks,
07/13/12
Thank you for this piece. Good job. However, one thing I agree with that someone else said, I don't know what you mean by "God thinks He is God." Other than that, I enjoyed this.

God bless~
This is an interesting essay. I enjoyed the little snippets in the beginning and think you did a great job of using something common as an example. This is a clever take on the topic.
07/16/12
I appreciate very much the message your piece is conveying, and I believe it is a message that must be communicated. I like your metaphor, and I think it really works. Keep writing! One thing I have to be careful of when I write is those images or phrasings that work for me but don't convey to a reader my intent. Maybe that's what happened with your "God thinks He is God" line. The writer's craft is a delicate one--we poise on the brink of saying too much for our reader, boring him so that he doesn't engage his brain or saying too little, leaving him going in the wrong direction. That's why input from an audience is so crucial. Isn't this a great place to get good feedback!
07/17/12
This is a nice devotional about the spiritual food of God. However, I tend to agree that your piece may not fit the topic well. It was about food, but didn't really have anything to do with a picnic. The topic word was sort of thrown in there. The topic should be more integral to the piece.

Try working on flow. Your first three sentences are completely different thoughts that sort of jump around, instead of feeling connected as I know you intended. This is kind of true throughout. Many different ideas and thoughts being expressed and, often with about the same length sentences. Varying sentence length, some with commas, some with series of words, some starting with a verb, other starting with a noun, etc. All of this makes the writing more interesting and better holds the readers attention.

Also, the challenge is anonymous so judges can be as objective as possible. You should avoid responding to comments within the feedback until after results are posted. ;)

Your idea of encouraging others to feed on spiritual food is a good one. With some fine tuning, you could learn to present it in an easier to read and grasp way. Keep writing!
G'day.

"We Americans" is not exactly true. I'm an Aussie and there are lots of Brits, Canadians, South Africans and Kiwis on this site.

Don't assume every Christian is faced with the same challenges.
07/19/12
Congratulations! God bless~
07/19/12
Congratulations on your placing. Good job!
07/19/12
Congrats on your 3rd place ribbon!!!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

I'm not sure what Geoffrey's point is. Seemed to me the "audience" for your piece was American, whether you thought about it that way or not. There's an entry in Masters this week whose audience is Sunday school kids. I'm not offended by that, nor should he be offended that a story was aimed at Americans.

I'm also not sure what he means about not assuming every Christian is faced with the same challenges. I didn't think you assume anything of the sort.

Again, congrats on your placement. ;)