The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 511 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Well written, it held my attention from the beginning. As I read each line the Holy Spirit brought me to tears over the truth of this beautiful story. Very Good!
06/16/12
Great job of bringing your characters to life. The old man's message, is too often, learned late in life...

Wing His Words!
06/20/12
Brilliant! I loved this story of the old man and the young boy. The "side-by-side" comparison was powerful. Great description of the ICU room, and the glare on the boy's face from the IPOD. Brilliant.

I loved this. It had so many emotional levels.,

Thank you. God bless~
This brought tears to my eyes. Oh the wisdom in these words.

I know you were hindered a bit by the word count but I wish I knew more about the boy. Was he a volunteer who sat with those dying? Probably not but it could be a paid position. Or was he a grandson who was angry at the old man for not giving his son or the boy's father the things he needed to teach the boy. Perhaps he was a distant relative who was sitting there because no one else wanted to so they bribed him with a new ipod.

I know the main focus was the words of wisdom but something in me wanted to know so much more about the boy. The old man was dying and he knew what lay beyond, but the boy... the boy is the real focus.

You did an outstanding job of drawing me into this. I feel a need to reach out to that boy and hold him or shake him and make him listen to the wisdom of the old man. This is a work of genius. You managed to say so much in such a limited space. For many the man may hold the message that the reader needs to heart, but for me I feel God asking me who is the boy in my life and how am I going to reach him. Kudos on a divinely-crafted piece.
There are a number of excellent points to be recommended here. Firstly, you sought to address the subject. Secondly, you highlighted an important truth about life. Thirdly you captured the essence of your characters. Finally, you did not sanitise death.

You have a gift for writing. With time you will be able to adapt to the limitations of word count.

Good effort.