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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Guard Your Heart (06/08/12)

TITLE: THIS BROKEN HEART OF MINE
By CrisC Ramirez
06/14/12


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What could I say to you
that I haven’t said already.
At times when
I’m tired and fed up.
When I feel unappreciated
and cheated out of a
wonderful blessing.
When the day just drags on
and on, and on, and on.
What could I say to you
that I haven’t said already.
Forgive me.

When this body just cannot
go on like it used to.
These legs cannot run
and pick you up as before.
These arms are getting fragile
and loosing strength.
When my mind is running rampant,
feeling exhausted and on edge.
What could I say to you
that I haven’t said already.
Forgive me.

My broken heart aches and cries
at times and I take it out
on those I love most.
Lord, forgive me for I have sinned!
Forgive me.

But…
What I say to you
that I haven’t said already
…is this--
My heart is full of love…for you!
I am proud of you!
I am excited for your future,
and the blessings God has for you!
My heart jumps for joy!

What I say to you
that I haven’t said already
…is this--
I have strong faith in God.
I believe Jesus died for me
on the cross, but He lives still.
He walks and talks to me
every day when I pick up my bible!
He fills me with His promise and peace.
There are reasons for everything!


What I will say to you
…is this—
Forgive me.


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This article has been read 199 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher 06/18/12
Very heartfelt. Great use of repetition.
Allison Egley 06/18/12
Oh, this is great.

I wasn't sure who the speaker was supposed to be and who he/she was speaking to, but honestly that didn't detract from the entry as a whole.

Very nice job on this. I too love the repetition.
Loren T. Lowery06/19/12
I like the honest, heart-felt way this is presented. All of us at times feel the same kind of frustration(s) with ourselves and the narrator rightly directs us to the one answer that remains the same throughout the ages: Forgive. Nicely done.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/20/12
This is quite lovely. I can see the talent as you start at one point and poetically come back full circle. This is a precious gift.

My only red ink would be not to overuse the exclamation point for when you do, it diminishes your exclamation instead of enhancing it. Plus the words you use, love proud, excited are words that stand alone and show such emotion that it is redundant to use the mark with lines as powerful as the ones you penned so easily. (well you make it look easy:)

This is a bdelightful piece that takes the topic and holds it high for all to see and appreciate. Beautifully done.
Camille (C D) Swanson 06/20/12
Wow! I loved it. Thank you. God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/20/12
I had to come back and read this again. It seems to get more powerful with each reading. At first I pictured my husband saying these words to me as he has had to carry me through so many difficult times. I have a chronic illness and am often in the hospital and feel like a burden to those around me. But your words give me hope. Then I read it again and saw me saying the words to each of my children as they enter the next phases of their journeys. One is getting married, one is entering the Seminary and the baby is graduating from high school. Your words have done so much for my heart and in so many different ways. there is no doubt that the Holy Spirit spoke to you as you wrote these words down. What a gift your obedience and talent has given me. Bless you.
Laura Manley06/25/12
There is a lot of emotion in this entry and I commend your ability to write poetry. You leave this reader with questions and answers beautifully addressed. A job well done!