The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
06/15/12
I enjoyed your story. The ending was perfect. I was so happy for Stephanie. I love happy endings.
06/17/12
This is good; this is very good! You built the story, revealed her conflicts and used descriptive words.
P.S. I love happy endings.

Wing His Words!
06/18/12
You could expand this into a novel. Great job!
06/18/12
Nicely told.
06/18/12
This is good.

I'd re-work the first paragraph a bit, for a better hook. Don't just tell us she slipped. show us. So maybe something like this...

Stephanie's foot flew out from under her, as she grabbed the counter to steady herself, all while trying to keep her customer's latte from becoming the latest casualty. This had nearly become part of her daily routine, as she maneuvered around the cafe's slippery floor.

Great job with the ending. :)
06/19/12
I also agree with Allison. The beginning could be tweaked a little to grab the readers.

There was a smooth flow to the story. Using "butterflies in her stomach" is a great connector with the readers because we have all felt it at one time.

I would love to hear the next chapter!

CrissyCR
06/20/12
This is such a sweet love story. The ending especially touched my heart. I can relate to the MC as I, too, have a hard time trusting many males in my life. I was so bad when i found out I was having a baby boy I was crushed to think that I would be responsible for bringing another man into the world. However God knew exactly what he was doing, first he was the one responsible for bringing a male into the world, I was just the vessel. He also whispered in my ear that I could teach this little boy how to be a gentleman. The world is so much a better place with my son in it. Now at almost 22 he is preparing to enter Seminary. Once I handed my fear and pain over to God wonderful things happened. I can see this same brilliant message in your story too. You did a great job with it.
06/20/12
Wow- Great story! I really enjoyed this entire piece from beginning to the happy happy ending. Good job.

Thank you so much. God bless~
06/21/12
Congratulations for ranking 7th in level one!