Proverbs 22:19 -- “So that your trust may be in the Lord, I teach you today, even you.”
Trust. This is a word some of us didn’t learn the meaning of while growing up. If any of the “some of us” is reading this, you will understand. Others may not.
Love was given and taken away. Violence was often followed by acts of kindness. Promises were made, then broken. Lies were told.. As children we also learned to lie. To ourselves and others. We learned to tell the grown ups what they wanted to hear.
When we were asked on those seldom occasions how we were doing, we answered with a lie. “I’m just fine.” We weren’t fine. We were falling apart inside. Our home life was chaos, and we were struggling to make sense of it all. We shook when we went to bed at night, and woke up with a feeling of dread. We became survivors in a world full of distrust.
As adults this distrust became a coping mechanism in order to keep from being hurt. Whenever someone proclaimed to love us, we pushed them away. Love was a precious commodity we just couldn’t afford. So we walked through this world alone, shutting out all possibilities of a real relationship with anyone.
Telling ourselves we were just fine, we learned to live in denial. We didn’t need anything or anyone, or so we thought. Faith was sorely missing. Maybe there was a God, but surely He didn’t really love us, did he?
Inside, though, we wanted love so badly we silently prayed for it. Then someone would come along and say those three words and we would panic and do something to make them not love us, confirming our suspicions all along. We weren’t lovable.
We didn’t know Jesus. His name was never spoken when we were growing up, except maybe at times in blasphemy. Maybe we were sent to vacation Bible school a time or two, and we learned a little about Him. We were told He loved us. He was this Savior to all who came to Him and asked for forgiveness. It didn’t matter what our sins were because He died on the cross for them before we were ever born.
So maybe then came a time in our lives when we learned depending on ourselves was not enough. We needed help. Human beings had always failed us. So who could we turn to?
I turned to Jesus. I remembered a day in vacation Bible school when I was five years old. The teacher showed me a picture of a heart with Jesus in it. She said it was my heart. That day came to me from out of the blue one night when my whole world seemed to be coming to an end.
So I began to pray to this Man in my heart. I asked Him to forgive me and He did. I asked Him to save me and He did. I asked Him to love me, and He did. Then a miracle happened inside of me. I began to feel trust.
Today I love and trust Jesus with all my being because He lives in me. I am learning more and more to have faith in other people as well. I have also learned to love others the way I want to be loved, and to forgive others the way I want to be forgiven.
Jesus has also sent people into my life I am able to put some faith into. I know these people when I meet them because I get a feeling of love and warmth from them, as if He is speaking through them. These are people who love me just as I am, with experiences much like my own.
When others disappoint me now, I realize they are only human. If you put all your faith in another human being they will often let you down. When you put all your faith in Jesus, He will never let you down. Hallelujah.
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