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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Guard Your Heart (06/08/12)

TITLE: A Special Cardiologist
By LaVerda Andres


A Special Cardiologist

Sara watched her doctors’ face across the large oak desk as he looked over her lab results. Even before he spoke she knew in her heart the results were not good. Lately she could hardly walk across the room with out stopping, breathing was difficult, the angina was getting worse; the list of complaints could go on and on.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her doctors’ voice, ‘ I think we had best get a referral and send you to a cardiologist’. She had expected his statement; in her spirit she knew she was slowing dying. ‘OK doctor what ever you think best, I only know I have to start feeling better, I can’t live like this!’ she replied.

The nurse set up the appointment with the cardiologist for Sara and told her as soon as all the cardiology reports were sent to their office someone would call her and set up a follow –up appointment.

Leaving the office Sara prayed to God, ‘God please send me to a cardiologist that can help me, I can’t go on feeling this way.’ Sara was in tears as she got in her car. Depression, anxiety, weight gain, pain, everything had seemed to target her all at once. She couldn’t understand it… wasn’t she doing everything that was expected of her as a Christian woman. how could God allow this to happen to her. What was she doing wrong?

A week had passed when Sara got the call from the Cardiologist office with her appointment time. Sara confirmed the time and prepared her list of complaints and medications to take with her to the appointment. On the day of her appointment Sara filled out all the paper work and was put into an exam room. ’The doctor will be with you shortly Mrs. James’ the nurse said , as she closed the door.

Sara was looking around the room, fighting back tears when the Cardiologist came in the room. He listened and watched Sara intently then finally said, ‘Sara, breath.’
Sara didn’t know what to say, she was breathing. ‘What do you mean breath; I am breathing.’ ‘No, Sara you aren’t, you haven’t taken a deep breath since I came in the room.’ ‘Sara I can’t help you right now, I want you to read two books and then come back to see me in two weeks’.

Sara was taken back…. She only half listened and was filled with anger, ‘Read books!’, she thought. ‘What kind of quack is this doctor, Lord I prayed and trusted you; and you send me to this person!’ Sara left the office furious. She went home and told her husband she would never go back to that doctor.

The next day, Sara thought about the doctors words. Out of curiosity Sara purchased the two books and sat down to read. ‘These better be good’! As she began reading the Holy Spirit began healing her, tears fell like rain. The books talked about forgiveness and how love is letting go of fear. Her mother had just passed away, since her mothers death she had been feuding and harboring anger and hatred for her grandmother,Aunt,even an Uncle. She inherited a grandchild that no one seemed to want or care for. Her husband had been diagnosed with Prostate cancer. She thought everyone and everything was her burden to carry.

Sara cried out to the Lord, she surrendered everything to him, all the things she had been holding on to. The Holy Spirit revealed to her the purpose of the Doctor’s referral of the two books.

Sara made another appointment with the Cardiologist. He smiled when he entered the room. ‘You read the books?’ ‘Yes, and I cried for days’, replied Sara. The doctor reached out and hugged Sara, ‘Now I can help you, when the spirit is healed it is easier to heal the flesh. When you don’t guard your heart and let pain, anger, resentment, jealousy and even things you aren’t aware of fill the chambers of your heart Christ can’t walk in’.

Sara now guards her heart and realizes that God did answer her prayer; He sent her to a Christian Cardiologist that understood the underlying causes of her illness. He listened to the Holy Spirit when it came to matters of the heart. Christ healed Sara, spiritually, emotionally and physcially.

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This article has been read 333 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Laura Manley06/15/12
Wonderful story line and you had me with you all the way EXCEPT...I would suggest a few things. 1) Always proofread! 2) When you are speaking of one doctor, and are referring to the "doctor's" whatever, it should be as I just wrote it, not doctors'. That would indicate you are talking to more than one doctor. 3) Also, when you are quoting something one of your characters is saying, it should be quoted with double quote marks, not singular ones; and 4) Another suggestion is that when you are indicating you are praying, to set out the prayer in italics is a nice touch, in my opinion. You did a very good job in your story line; you just have a little to do regarding polishing it up. Nicely thought out and presented.
Kristina Newby06/15/12
I found this to story to be particularly moving and well written. It flowed very well, had dramatic magic to it while remaining believable. This story reminds me of a cinematic short version of a Hallmark movie. Great job.
Paulette Johnson06/17/12
Very touching
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/18/12
I really enjoyed this story. You did a nice job showing the conflict. It was a creative take on the topic.

Make sure you start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks. The other red ink I would offer is try not to put things in that aren't relevant to the story. For example the whole paragraph about the nurse making the appointment and then calling her back didn't really add to the story. Perhaps if you showed while waiting Sara became more anxious and had more chest pain that would add to the story. The little details about waiting and filling out paperwork is something the reader can assume. With such a short word count it's important to make every word of the 750 build the story. I think you were starting to show it but instead of just having her wait or fill out paperwork show the reader she is trembling as she writes down her history. Perhaps show her nervousness by jumping and running to the phone every time it rang. Things like that will help the reader see what is going on in the MC's head.

This made me smile. I liked the idea of how the two different kinds of hearts can affect the healthiness of the other. God was watching over Sarah as she made her appointment with this doctor. You did an excellent job of writing on topic in a fresh and interesting way. You also did a beautiful job with your message. I also enjoys when a writer writes the prayers in stories. Some people have no clue how to pray and your MC did an excellent job of showing what having a relationship with Jesus is like. You have a great deal of talent. Keep writing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/18/12
I try not to read other comments before commenting myself so I did want to add that it is acceptable to use the one quote' as long as you are consistent throughout the story is all that matters. Many who use British writing use the ' mark and it is perfectly acceptable. :) As for the thoughts being in italics that can be helpful if there are a lot of thoughts but she could have been talking to herself aloud. I did notice you put the exclamation point outside of the quotation mark and in this case it should be inside because it was her speaking that was being exclaimed. Nevertheless I still think you did a dandy job! :)
C D Swanson 06/20/12
A beautiful story that touched my heart in many ways. I loved this poignant piece that brought an important message to the readers. Thank you.

God Bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/21/12
Congratulations for ranking 12th in level one!